I have despised other women. Hated them even. I’ve been jealous of them. I’ve wanted them to stay away from my boyfriends, my husband, or any romantic interest. I’ve been suspicious of their actions and distrustful of them in general. I’ve felt disrespect for them and I’ve thought less of them than their male counterparts.
I have female friends (and always have), but I have always preferred male attention over female. I was never the girl with a large group of female friends. I was always more likely to hang around a group of guys. Many of my female friendships occurred because they pursued a friendship with me, and eventually I allowed them in, but not without a level of distrust always present, at least initially.
This phenomenon, unfortunately, is not all that uncommon. For whatever reason, women often feel threatened and jealous of other women. We love each other, yet we hate each other. We forge less-than-genuine friendships with each other. We automatically make negative assumptions about other women, and see them as rivals. We are competitive and catty. Often we gossip about each other. We hate pretty women just because they are pretty. We hate women who are smart, confident and successful, just because they are. Yet men don’t react to other men this way, instead forming “bromances” with each other. It’s not uncommon to hear a woman (myself included) say she can’t relate to other women and she gets along better with men. When a woman says this she is essentially saying being a girl is bad, while being a guy is good. When men insult other men, they may say “stop being a pussy or a bitch” or “get some balls.” We call each other sluts and whores. Why wouldn’t women prefer to be men when both women and men seem to agree there is something wrong with being a girl?
My feelings about women, and female relationships didn’t start to change until just recently when I wrote Squirting: It’s Easier Than You Think. I wrote the book for women. If you only read the title, and have not actually read the book, you probably don’t understand what the book is really about. It’s about nurturing women and empowering women. While the change in how I treat myself as well as others has been gradually changing, as I started writing the sexuality book, I felt an intense desire to help women. My next book, which should be completed soon, is about my struggles in leaving an abusive relationship. AGAIN, I wrote it for women. I want to help women and empower them.
When I saw the #likeagirl commercial, it was a lightbulb moment. A Super Bowl commercial has not ever impacted me so drastically. I realize my disdain towards women was because I hated myself. I’ve seen such a stark transformation in myself over the last few years as I’ve become more empowered, more confident, stronger. My self-love has grown. With that self-love, my love for others has grown, and I’m starting to see myself react to others with love and understanding, and to stop condemning.
The hate towards women, the disrespect towards women has to stop. We’ve come so far as a society with acceptance. Why are we still treating women as the lesser sex? How can we ever expect men to respect women if we don’t even respect each other. There’s a strange thought among women that if a woman is smarter, prettier or more successful, she must have a great, almost perfect, life. But in reality she experiences heartbreak, depression, feelings of low self-worth and all the other struggles everyone else does. It’s time as women to start opening our eyes and hearts to each other.