A Letter To The Girl Who Feels Lonely And Helpless

selective focus photography of woman standing on forest
Hanna Postova / Unsplash

This is a letter to you as well as myself. There are millions of thoughts wondering in my mind day in and day out with so many feelings. Think a little, feel a little, succeed just to fuck up again a little, naturally after all of this we find comforts in our own worlds. We read we write, we swim, go running, and hit the gym because we try to find that we can, in fact, re-create that imagery from our worlds around us.

Being alone and feeling alone is an emotion anyone can relate to regardless of social status, family life, and fame or lack of. I get it it’s like sometimes you need a huge hug or somebody to comfort you, you know that someone being there is enough, that is all you really want. Some people suggest talking to yourself to get the feelings out all I have to say about that is if somebody finds you talking to yourself looking in the mirror they might think you have some psychological problem, right? So what is the way out? It is very difficult to find people who understand you completely. And keeping your feelings inside yourself can also be very discomforting.

Have you ever even questioned the reason why you feel like you are alone? If you are bored and tired, how can you take a break from the routine? Can you go out more often, e.g sit on a patio and grab some coffee, attend events that you are interested in, or get a second summer job? Is it the lack of relationships? Is it the type of relationships you’re in? Are you really weighing your options here?

Please understand when I say to you, pay attention to your feelings, your feelings are very precious, sacred even. So much to the fact that they will only be understood by those persons who share some similarities with you, and people who care to understand you wholeheartedly. Please get this and get this quick, you will feel better. I get it, we are all sleepy, hungry, depressed and messed up individuals so much to the fact that we need a lot of support sometimes, and some TLC.

Or are you the type to have more than enough downtime, but you are not using it wisely this is resulting in your inadequate feelings, one thing I can confidently say is YOU NEED TO GET OFF OF YOUR ASS AND CHANGE IT YOURSELF. Don’t be one of those people who just doesn’t want to be “motivated”, don’t even want to try, feeling hopeless of making any type of progress, and find the whole matter of self-worth to be just too tiring to give it a whirl. If you are at this point yourself — STOP feeling low about yourself, you can’t lose that drive.

Get yourself out there, make meaningful relationships and find something meaningful to do. Not just any ol’ hobby, but something that enriches not only your time but something that fulfills you.

Now when you start making these meaningful relationships know that everyone doesn’t have the capacity to share the burden of your thoughts and what you go through so sometimes it’s better if you share your thoughts with yourself. You are your best lifeline because after all, no one can TRULY share your pain with you, best they can do is cheer you up on the sidelines.  Learn to recover it yourself. Don’t depend on others.

No one else can really tell you who you are, and that’s where we are all fucking up — people are trying to find out who they are by looking at others and then themselves in comparison. This produces a potentially toxic relationship of dependency: you need others to validate you, in order to feel good about yourself, but those same people need you to approve of them for the same reasons. Ironic huh?

Still feeling lonely out there?

How can you feel so lonely when the very thing that is making you lonely is something everyone is doing? No one will ever truly know themselves by looking at everyone else as if they were our own mirrors. You have to really dig down pretty deep to know who you really are, you have to develop a deeper understanding of what is going on inside yourself. This is why I keep saying you have to stop being so dependent on others for your self-worth, it really is contingent on your own willingness to become aware of self and solve certain kinds of questions about values, morals, meanings, and self.

Start paying close attention to the little things you are good at; whether it’s cooking, organizing things, counseling, making people laugh, or just making lists. Then nurture those skills in relationships with yourself and people who like and appreciate you for who you are. As really start to take action, understand that social interactions may make you feel vulnerable, give you anxiety and it could be scary. Understand that it’s normal and completely OK. Use that fear. It keeps you real and on your toes.

But while you are alone, change your attitude towards the feeling of being alone, Cherish your solitude. Buy a bus ticket once every few weeks going anywhere. Sleep out under the stars. Go so far away that you stop being afraid of not coming back. Learn to say no and not do things when you don’t want to. Say yes if your instincts are strong, even if everyone around you disagrees. Decide whether you want to be liked or admired. Decide if fitting in is more important than finding out what your purpose is here.

There are so many ways to combat loneliness, we live in the age of technology, social media and cell phones for goodness sake, you’re not stranded on an island with a message in a bottle randomly throwing it at sea. So slow down, observe your surroundings, say less and start doing more!

Life is all about finding yourself in my opinion and making who you are, through that process. This feeling won’t end for you in the near future unless you start taking some responsibility and act now, but the fact that you are actively searching for answers prove that you are willing to consider, if not at least try is the first step; Kudos to you.

Be thankful for every experience in life, learn from it; re submerge stronger than before.

Be thankful for every experience in life, learn from it and emerge stronger. Remember, you’re your own savior and your own assassin; your own best friend and your worst enemy. TC mark

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