Here’s the reality, it’s highly probable you will eventually break up with your best friend. I know that’s straight from the cynic’s mouth and if you’re a lucky bastard you’ll only break up with a good friend instead of your best friend.
Whether through a fight or just drifting apart, there will come a time when the one you went to whenever you got your heart broken, did something stupid, or had good news you just couldn’t keep to yourself, will not be there. They may be replaced in time, or immediately, but right now you’re a mix of pissed off and miserable so, here’s how to cope when you split with your platonic soulmate.
1. Don’t go back.
It’s so tempting. I know it is, really. But unless you’ve both agreed to put more effort in, don’t contact them. Just as importantly, don’t Facebook stalk them, don’t post about them, and try not to make up interactions up with them in your head. This part of your life is over with. You and your ex-bestie are in the position you are in because of a reason. You’ve grown differently and that’s not a bad thing. Don’t step back, forward is the way to go.
2. Binge watch crap TV and cry.
Just get it out. Even if you don’t think you care that much about them, allow yourself to shut down and emotionally reboot. It sucks when you lose someone and it’s so much better to take it out on that asshole on Ex On The Beach rather than on the friends that are still around. Extra points if you eat an entire tub of ice cream.
3. Get up.
Once you’ve passed the fatpants level, it’s time to get up. Put on your running shoes and do some good old exercise. In saying that, don’t go for a run if you hate running, do something you enjoy. Take a hike, go for a swim, dance around like a dickhead, the options are limitless. If you find yourself somewhere out of your way you might, and secretly hope, to run into them, start again. You’re not ready for this recovery stage.
4. Sensory treat yo’self.
After you’ve exercised have a damn good shower or bath. This includes washing your hair and using the body wash that smells like raspberries. Moisturise when you dry off. This will cleanse you of the shitty things you’ve said in retaliation and will wash away your guilt for not doing what you should have. I’m not kidding, this kind of sensory pleasure really impacts your mood and therefore attitude. Go on, treat yourself.
5. Distract yourself.
It’s only natural for your brain to wander back to the good old days, but at this stage try and stay in the present. Don’t tip yourself over the edge and have to restart the grieving process. Colour in, go to the movies, cook yourself a fancy ass dinner, just get yourself involved in your now. Mindfulness meditation is a really good way to do this, give it a Google.
6. Go out and get on with it.
Your ex-bffl doesn’t rule your life. The world keeps turning and the sun keeps shining. Your other mates will still want to get coffee with you and you still have to go to those after-work drinks. You can do it, you’re ready now. You can talk it out with someone if you want, but know when to cut it short. No one can wave a magic wand and fix it and continuing to bring it up is just dragging out the pain. Don’t let it control your life.
7. Look back with fondness.
One day, you’ll be able to look back with a clear mind. On this day, try not to go over the bad. Yes, there was bad, and yes, it sucked, but there was much more good in the relationship. Look back at this and know that this has happened for a reason. Retrospect is a great thing. You can’t do anything about the past so learn your lesson and smile about it.