Let’s Stop Saying That We’re “Fine”

I am so glad that we’re both fine. I mean, it wasn’t my original plan, but since you sort of spearheaded being fine I thought it best to just follow suit. Seriously, how awkward would it have been if one of us hadn’t been fine? I’m just saying it’s a godsend that we were both able to walk away from our relationship and both are totally, completely, mind-numbingly fine.

It wasn’t like I loved you or anything, so why wouldn’t I be fine? It wasn’t like you made me happy or anything. Because if you had done any of those things, I definitely wouldn’t have been fine.

It’s not like I loved your apartment because it reminded me of you, with its chipped crown molding and pristine washed dishes and shoes always lined up in pairs because you were always tidy and I was always in disarray. I’ll tell you what, if that had been the case, that last day in your apartment would have made me awfully sad. But since I didn’t feel that way, I’m fine.

I never spent my days waiting around for you to text me back because I couldn’t focus on anything, knowing that an unanswered text message was out there floating around in the stratosphere, waiting for your reply. I never spent entire days thinking almost exclusively about you, and one fleeting moment with you was never the best part of my week. My friends never tired of me constantly bringing you up in conversation because, of course, I never did bring you up. Because I didn’t like you that much. That’s why I’m fine.

I’m so happy that I didn’t share all my personal baggage with you, and I’m glad that you never did the same. I’m glad that after the night in which you didn’t tell me your secrets, I didn’t rub your back until you nodded asleep, whispering “It’s ok, you’re ok, I love you.” Because believe me, if I had done that, I would probably be a little attached to you, and then I wouldn’t be fine.

I didn’t sacrifice things for you, I didn’t push myself out of my comfort level for you, I didn’t cater to you, I didn’t care about you, I didn’t think that we were doing anything besides having fun, I didn’t secretly hope that we would become something more, and I absolutely didn’t think that you were thinking any of those things. Because if I had thought that you felt any of those things for me, I probably would have been crushed after you ended things to abruptly. Severing our ties for all of eternity. Because if that had been the situation, I may have done some drastic things, like lock myself in my apartment for three days with nothing to eat except an old half-finished bottle of Bacardi, refusing to answer phone calls, untying myself from the outside world, hoping I would float away. Lucky for me though, none of that happened, and we’re both fine. Really, I am so fine. TC mark

image – Tiffa Day

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  • adam

    i hope. you’re fine.  annica.  love is.  interesting. 

  • http://twitter.com/HipsterFriend HipsterFriend

    #dark

  • http://twitter.com/alinatrifan Alina Trifan

    I didn’t just imagine telling all this to that one boy – he’s totally fine, by the way.
    I’m fine,too.

  • http://twitter.com/kaimcn Kai

    My mom made me take the word “fine” our of my vocabulary when I was 13 because it was my response to everything. When I use it now, it usually means I want to put an ice pick through something.

    What I’m say is, I get it Rae, and I’m sure you’ll be super, just as soon as this fine stage is over.

  • tha dish

    I definitelty didn’t picture you in my head as i read this article, cuz, you know… I’m fine.

  • http://mrianmbelcurry.tumblr.com/ Mr. Ian M. Belcurry

    I liked this a lot (Jim Carey Ace Ventura “A lot”).

    • BNiz

      That would be Jim Carrey in Dumb & Dumber.

      • http://mrianmbelcurry.tumblr.com/ Mr. Ian M. Belcurry

        So right. He said it to Lauren Holly. You know yr BNIZ. thx.

  • http://twitter.com/Avesdad Will Henderson

    This is more than fine; this is beautiful.

  • xoxo

    TC has sucked a lot lately and you have restored my faith in articles that don’t paint sex/love in such a sophomoric manner (which sometimes you need but more you, less Ryan).

  • http://thisisthenewblog.tumblr.com mercedes delusive

     I’m glad that after the night in which you didn’t tell me your secrets, I didn’t rub your back until you nodded asleep, whispering “It’s ok, you’re ok, I love you.”
    This. This is impossibly poignant.

  • http://twitter.com/BetsyBetsyBets Betsy

    I could have written this almost word for word. Really, I’m so fine too.

  • http://www.myheartandmyskull.tumblr.com Lauren

    F.I.N.E = Fucked Up Insecure Neurotic (or so says my guru). 

    I am trying to banish the word from my vocabulary.  Unless I’m feeling fucked up insecure neurotic.  Then it’s a great word to use.

  • Verona

    Totally relating to this right now.

  • Sophia

    Oh please write for TC more often.

  • Katie

    This really hurts me. 

  • http://twitter.com/FLYamSAM Denden

    This. I might soon go through this. I remember last time I spent 3 months listening to Camera Obscura and Best Coast…. I don’t want to do this again…. =(

  • http://summerslowrunner.wordpress.com/ Summer

    I’m not going through something similar right now, because I don’t give a shit about anyone either. Which means, of course, that I’m also completely fine.

  • http://summerslowrunner.wordpress.com/ Summer

    I’m not going through something similar right now, because I don’t give a shit about anyone either. Which means, of course, that I’m also completely fine.

  • http://summerslowrunner.wordpress.com/ Summer

    I’m not going through something similar right now, because I don’t give a shit about anyone either. Which means, of course, that I’m also completely fine.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=707272007 Alex Thayer

    damn

  • alex

    thank you, I loved this. 

  • http://twitter.com/catedeleon Cate de Leon

    Boom! Haha! Good vibes are great, but nothing beats ball busting honesty :)

  • rose georgia

    beautiful.

  • amsantos

    I’m fine with this.

  • amsantos

    I’m fine with this.

  • Guest

    So good!

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