An Open Letter To Those Who Judge Those Who Are ‘Single’

 Aily Torres
Aily Torres

You are all mistaken. You are all too judgmental. You are all pretentious. You are all unrealistic. You are all inconsiderate. You are all incapable of understanding what I went through. You are all my teachers. You are all my friends. I am not justifying my status.

I hope one day, you’d comprehend that my reasons for staying this way is inevitable. That it is not an assumption issue, or a standard issue or something else you put in conclusion. You are mistaken if you think I am sad, or lonely or pretentious. You are mistaken for judging me just because I have my own way of consoling myself.

I still believe that being single is not being selfish, it is about offering yourself to others in the same boat. It is finding a company in the presence of those who are actually on the same page, without judgement or evaluation.

You do not understand why I ended up here, and I don’t find it necessary to explain it either. I never questioned your relationships, or your choice of living, or your way of dealing with yourself; so I hope you don’t judge me too.

Just because I chose to be strong does not mean I closed my door to possibilities. You just know my cover, not the depths of my soul. You haven’t seen me cry as I slowly pick up and rebuilt every piece of my once shattered self.

Also, my life is not a courtroom – I do not have a space for your judgements – and even if I do, you are incapable of understanding what I went through, so I won’t bother explaining myself.

You may argue that all the things I do are also available for you even if you’re in a ‘relationship’, but let me tell you this . . . My zone is unlimited as long as I don’t step on anyone, I don’t have to impress anybody, and I can just be happy because I want to. I can get dolled up without expecting anyone to compliment me, I can look as ugly as I want and still feel comfortable and beautiful.

I don’t have to think whether I should hold someone’s hand or whether I should let go. I don’t have to ask for permission from another person, I don’t have to consider a ‘partner’s’ opinion. . . now, if you tell me, you can still do these even if you’re in a relationship – let me remind you that being in a relationship is about consoling, considering, giving, and taking. . . it is about two, acting as one. . . if you say you still act on your own accord even when you’re with someone, should you not question your own perspective and relationship goals before pretending just how perfect your ‘relationship’ is?

Aren’t you too unrealistic for telling me that you can still do the things you can do when you are single, once you enter a relationship? Aren’t you being too inconsiderate? Relationships have its up and down, just like being single is – so don’t come to me pointing out my flaws, because at some point – you were ‘single’ too.

I still live by the old saying “if you don’t have anything good to say, be quiet!” — as it is applicable to anything. I hope people would think first before they speak, I hope people would realize that every person, whatever their status in life may be, has their own battle . . . and that we all should be kind to one another, trying to console each soul for we never know when we might need someone to stay by our side. The wheel of life changes overnight and we should always think about the fulfillment of the ‘law of equal return.”

I may be single, and may appear lonely (to you), but let me tell you  . . . I am not, for the Single Life is such a training ground . . . and you are all my mentors, my teachers and friends in this chapter. I will never justify my actions, for being single is a ‘character.’ It’s just part of the growing process. I may be single, but I am not available. I am occupied with everything pretty, beautiful and inspiring. I get lonely and doubtful at times, but that’s because just like everyone else – I am human too. TC mark

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