You complain that you’re not as brave or talented as you used to be. You believe your spark has died and turned into ashes. You feel dead inside because when you look at yourself in the mirror, you see a reflection looking back that’s not pretty or special enough. You constantly stare at your body because you feel like you’ve been shaped and molded into something truly undesirable. Then, you turn off the lights and bring the darkness in close so that you can’t see the daily reminder of all the things you are, but wish you weren’t.
The loneliness and insecurity fill up whatever is left of you, as you think about the version you dream of becoming. A better person. A content person. Someone that projects a vivid and lively atmosphere.
The reason why you can’t view yourself in this kind of image – this kind of light – is because you’re blinded by the people who’ve hurt you and the failures you’ve tallied up in your mind. You’re oblivious to the idea that you will find love, happiness or success again because the patterns of your life will always have the same, predictable story. The outcome has always been an explosion of screw-ups, I told you so’s, and goodbyes.
And after pondering about the hateful things you’ve held hostage in your head, you close your eyes and cry yourself to sleep, wishing to be as strong, amazing, loved, and beautiful like you once were.
But to be bluntly honest with you, you’ve always been all these wonderful things.
You’ve always been strong.
You’ve always been amazing.
You’ve always been loved.
You’ve always been beautiful.
That person is still you. That person has always been you.
When you’ve forgotten who you are because of the heartbreak and trauma you’ve been through, there is someone who remembers the stories of when you were resilient and picked yourself back up without hesitation. During the times you feel that you’re not enough, someone has memories of you that prove otherwise.
If you need someone to repeat it how treasured you are 100 times then they will happily do so. If reassurance and reminders are what will help you feel validated and secured then they will buy you a chalkboard so you can write I am wonderful or I am enough on it until the exact moment you start believing it yourself.
You’ve may have forgotten who you are, but someone hasn’t.