5 Reasons Why Camden Sucks

Source: r4vi

Proper Londoners know that nightlife in the city is all about Soho or Shoreditch. After all, West London is really only for idiots and antipodeans, and North London, well, okay, sure, sometimes you end up there. But who really enjoys it? Every time I’ve ever been out in Camden I’ve always had a sucky time. Here’s why:

1. The Good Mixer. Most bars in Camden – but especially The Good Mixer – smell like sick. The last thing I want when I’m chugging back my beer is to smell someone else’s regurgitated booze. Ugh, totally gross.

2. The people. Even William Gibson has a few choice words to say about the residents/tourists/frequenters of Camden. In Pattern Recognition, he calls Camden “The Children’s Crusade.” I know what he means. I call it “The Lemming Shuffle.” Who wants to walk up Camden Lock trudging behind an endless slow moving stream of morons? They’re like zombies with bad taste.

3. HMV Forum. Okay technically it’s in Kentish Town but that area all kinda blurs into one for me. It’s the worst gig venue ever. They turned me away from Metronomy because the gig already started and they told me off for dancing at Death From Above 1979. What’s up with that?!? Seriously, other venues take note (I’m looking at you XOYO).

4. Amy Winehouse. There was a time when not a day went past without a lurid tabloid printing a picture of her falling out of a Camden pub or partying with Pete Doherty. Okay, so maybe she’s sorted herself out now, but I still associate the place with that kind of boozehound, scruffy, indie ilk of people.

5. 2004. Camden is the land that time forgot. And it froze in exactly 2004. If you thought people stopped wearing New Rocks and writing ‘Deftones’ on their Eastpaks in Tippex then think again. That shit still goes on in one place in the world.

Howcomes I grew up and you didn’t, Camden? Please, get some diversity and maturity and then maybe I’ll call you yeah? I wouldn’t hold your breath though. TC mark

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  • Kelly

    I'm moving to London in nine days. Tell me the cool places to live!!!

    • http://twitter.com/fathorseharry Harry Cunningham

      Anywhere outside the M25.

    • Bourdillon

      Nowhere west of Regent St, nowhere south of the river.

    • http://pettingparty.net Rachael Williams

      Everywhere is different and suits different needs and budgets. Look on Gumtree and look for people you'll get on living with first and experience all of London and work out what *you* like ^_^

      • Bourdillon

        Getting a flat in London is like trying to catch AIDS from a toilet seat. You can spend hours looking for the right place and still have it pulled out from under you.

    • padface

      Don't be tempted outside of Zone 2 by the cheaper rent. Nor should you even consider for a second living in Clapham or Croydon. Seriously, you won't make any friends outside of those areas because no-one outside those areas will want to come visit you.

    • Pfft

      don't. it's super expensive and the showers don't work properly and people say dumb shit like this article.

    • http://staugustinian.wordpress.com/ STaugustine

      London, 1990. Otherwise:  don't waste your little packet of money.

  • Not Amy Winehouse

    Tosh, my good lady. Tosh! There's so much more to Camden than that! East London has equally grungy ghetto's and dives as Camden, only without the vibrancy, and at least you don't have to deal with Hoxton twattery up North and clinger-on media cunts whacking themselves off in a frenzy at their floppy hair and stupid clothing.

    However, of this hodge podge of pick 'n' mix you've put up… well. Let's get started.

    1. Yes, The Good Mixer is a shithole. A festering place that's frequented equally by the police as it is rage-and-booze filled antipodeans and Hoxton-types who've realised they've gone to the wrong place through lack of experience. It's up there with The Worlds End and The Hawly Arms in terms of places I'd rather not go in Camden – big, basic and full of hangers-on and people waiting to do something else.

    But there are tons of good pubs in Camden! Why go to the one that everyone else goes to because they're not adventurous? Why not go to The Enterprise for music and atmosphere instead? Or the old-man Irish joy of Quinns with its fridge of awesome Belgian beers. Or the tucked away, comfy and cute Crown And Goose with its lovely food. Or Proud and it's stupidity. Or The Dublin Castle and it's fun 3am shoutalongs in the back. And that's just the start!

    2. Well, if you're hanging at the Good Mixer, then yes, you'll find the scum and villainy of North London trapped in one place. But to pinpoint an entire area for just one part of what makes it a joy – fickle! That's like me earlier saying Shoreditch is full of moustachioed media cunts and try-hards. Even thought it is. ;)

    3. What's wrong with the Forum? You have two bad experiences and write it off! Pish, I say. I saw DFA1979 and people were going MENTAL. I've been to many pleasurable gigs there with no issue. MAYBE the issue isn't the venue? Haha, I jest. ;) I know it probably is. :P But what equivalent venue in Shoreditch? There's none, I say, that's not filled with clungey bollocks of the highest order! FACT.

    Then let's not forget Koko, which is both historic and beautiful, as well as paying host to reams of excellent bands. Camden also has lots of lo-fi gig venues all about the place.

    4. I can't deny Amy Winehouse is a cunt. You've got me there. And Camden does attract some pretty awful self-interested shitheads. But then so does Shoreditch.

    5. WRONG. I frequented Camden as far back as the mid-nineties, and it's barely changed. ;)

    In some ways, I'm glad Camden didn't grow up. It's the home of Madness, of so many booze-filled nights out and eager student clothes shoppers experiencing life in the wilderness for the first time. It's a sloppy, smelly and silly place with a huge identiy crisis and always has been. Without it, London would lose it's heart, even if that heart is suffering from a severe case of pulmonary cancer due to excess smoking, booze and cheaply made T-shirts.

    If the only alternative is staring into the middle distance with a bunch of pretenders in Shoreditch (which I hasten to add, I also love really) then count me out of London. Camden is that greasy, smelly childhood friend who never grew up and washed their hair and still smells of chips, and, most of us I'm sure, love it.

    • Pfft

      nah manmi lived there. On camden road, for a year. with amy winehouses ex husband for part of it hah!  it sucks, dublin castle blows. everywhere has way too bright lights, we know this. but it's camden, and i fond memories still. of monarch, and good mixer, and all the shit holes. 
      this dumb twat to say shoreditch hah! that place sucks way worse. at least camden is for real.
      I live in nyc now for many years, and when i think of all the good times i had in london, shoreditch never comes close to camden.

      • Pfft

        lots of typos there! oopsy

  • tom

    Yes people who go out in Camden need to get with the times and be like the suave sophisticated interesting and uniquely varied characters of Shoreditch.  In practice, this means getting some skinny jeans (or if you're overweight, some jeans), wearing a Pete Doherty look-a-like hat,  spending lots on hair products to make it look like you've just woken up, acting as though you've just woken up,  putting on a thin black tie as badly as you can, and assuming a general air of misplaced arrogance similar to that one might expect from an Apprentice auditions reject.

  • http://www.charge-shot.com Craig

    One time I was stuck in Camden traffic and saw a man drop his pants and take a crap on the sidewalk.

    Camden's the worst.

  • http://pettingparty.net Rachael Williams

    Camden certainly inspires passion in comment trolls…

  • Bourdillon

    Camden's alright if you know where you're going. It's not a place to just show up at and have a night out. The World's End is probably the most aptly-named pub in the world. Shoreditch can be hit and miss though, what with all the cunts out there. As far as I'm concerned, you can never really have a bad night out in Soho, and the area around Waterloo is alright as well. There's many good places round where I live but I'm not going to tell you where that is because it'll only lead to more wankers like me moving in and colonising the place.

  • Not Amy Winehouse

    Last time I went to Paris in 1995 I saw a guy wank on a railing. Therefore Paris sucks!

    • Bourdillon

      That was me, sorry.

      • Not Amy Winehouse

        It's ok, I'm used to it. It's a natural reaction to myself looking a lot not like Amy Winehouse.

    • padface

      I've seen some guy arguing with another guy in Camden. Then his friends joined in. The the man got a cricket bat and went to town on the other guy. Then someone came to tell them to shut the fuck up because it was 2am and he got runover.

      Also I've seen people vomming on themselves/others and passing out. A lot.

      Camden is le shit.

      • slutidarity

        Surely this is a night out on any street in London?

      • Not Amy Winehouse

        I've been beaten to a pulp in Wimbledon for looking at a group of teenage chavs “funny” – so yeah. :P

  • padface

    YES.

    Christ I lived in Camden for a year and it fucking sucked. I don't know if it was the fact that it was raped by 16 year olds who thought they were the dog's bollocks every weekend, the SMELL of every street, the fact that it's horrifically touristy, the EXPENSIVE drinks, or the fact that every single flat there is a total shithole yet demands upwards of £130 a week per person for rent.

    The worst is living in a shithole, then when you tell people where you live they're all like “omg you're soooooo lucky”. No asshole I am not, Camden is a fucking slap in the face and a knife in the gut. Camden needs to get gentrified ASAP so I don't have to deal with that shit anymore.

    • slutidarity

      Camden isn't gentrified, it's been completely commercialised. At the rate it's going, it'll never get gentrified because it's stopped being a real neighbourhood. It's not a place to live anymore, it's somewhere Italian emo kids who've escaped from their field trip visit because they want to buy stripy tights and rip-off Threadless tees from Korea. Then they top it off by eating fluorescent orange sweet-and-sour chicken from a Chinese food stall. The new Camden Stables market is a fucking monstrosity – whoever thought that those giant bronze horse statues was a good idea should be shot.

      • padface

        Don't forget the 16 year olds who come from the home counties because Camden
        “gets them”.

        Whatevs, let's just agree to never go there again.

    • Pfft

      i bet you are fucking boring as hell

  • slutidarity

    Once I went to a club night at Proud and saw a woman getting eaten out by a guy in the stable booths. That pretty much says everything.

    • Not Amy Winehouse

      Once I went to eat a woman out at this club in Camden, and this girl was just staring at us the entire time. That pretty much says everything.

      • slutidarity

        Ohhhh, snap! Nice one.

      • Not Amy Winehouse

        Spankyouverymuch. ;) Only took a day!

  • Bodythatmatters

    I thought this was going to be about Camden, NJ when I read the title.

    • Pfft

      americans think everything is about them

  • mertzy

    well, this went over my head.

  • Teukros

    Add me to the list of people who was expecting Camden, NJ.  I was wondering why that article would even need to be written, and now I know.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1363230138 Michael Koh

    More like 'cumden' #amirite

  • damo

    the americans WOULD think this is about camden, NJ.

  • Siraliztare

    I lived near the Camden Roundhouse for a while last year. When I first saw people waiting to get in I thought they were queuing for ice cream. Camden's full of kids, tourists and people making money off of them. Go to Brixton for some proper fun.

    • Not Amy Winehouse

      I thought people went to Brixton for the heroin fix?

      • Pfft

        hahahahaha

    • Bourdillon

      Brixton is a shithole.

  • LDN

    This article made me so sad that I had to comment for the first time in ages. Shut up! Camden's awesome!

  • Jordan

    so where's a good place to go out in soho?

  • http://twitter.com/AFDex16 Tony F.

    my thoughts while reading this:

    -wow, this is boring and dull written
    -the writer gives no real context of this place to people who don't live in the UK/Europe, so why should i even care
    -someone should really write an article on why Camden, NJ sucks because it would be far more entertaining than this snoozefest

    • Pfft

      my thoughts on reading your comment:

      -this is why everyone hates americans

      • http://twitter.com/AFDex16 Tony F.

        at least people are able to give a shit about us ;)

  • fjhg9
  • Pfft

    oh jesus, shoreditch has been over since 2002. god i hate 22 year olds.

  • Pfft

    i hereby declare camden cool again, because this twat says it isn't! so it must be! even though i haven't been there in 6 years, if i was going to go back to london i would go there simply because the dick who wrote this won't be! 
    also camden has been over since 1997 and london has been over since 2005. so shut up.

  • Pfft

    also, everything is over, ever. everyone die immediately. thanks.

  • Furrymike

    The person what wrote this is probably in her early 20's,  moved to London a couple of years ago from a small town in the Midlands (Londoner ha) with a third class degree in media studies or fashion from a third class university in East Anglia. Go get a life sweetie, its later than you think.

  • bleurghrachaelwilliams

    camden is amazing. fuck off rachael williams

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