Some days my heart feels heavy. It aches for a warm body, a solid hand, and a soothing voice. It yearns for a love so great, that even Shakespeare hasn’t written about it. My heart yearns for moments of feeling proud for someone I love and watching them shine like a diamond. My heart desires a whole person who values me as I am; someone who will not walk away when things get tough and someone who will not try to change me.
The truth is I want to be the one who says, “I’ve met someone and I’m happy.”
I want you to realize what it feels like to lose me. Not in the way in which we speak once a week, meet up for lunch every three months, and kiss every once in a while, but usually you push me away because it hurts too much and you don’t know how to reciprocate love. I want you to see that you not only lost, but you gave me up, pushed me away, and locked your heart. I want you to roll over in the morning and realize that you will never get the chance to pull me close again.
I am deserving of a love that is passionate and filled with fire. I want to be with someone who will make an effort every single day. I want to be someone who will surprise me at the airport, and not another girl. I want to be with someone who will surprise me at school, and not another girl. I want to be valued and put first. How awful is it to have a memory of you sitting in my room doing homework? Yet, while you visited her, you gallivanted throughout her town going to parties.
I cannot be with someone who values another girl over me. To me, that isn’t a relationship. It is called having your cake and eating it too. I don’t want to be your cake anymore. I want to be someone’s diamond. So, if you’re just looking for a snack, try the next isle.
I don’t know how to confide in you anymore. And you don’t confide in me. We just meet up for lunch and have an afternoon delight. I am not your rock, your person to lean on, your go-to person. So I guess you aren’t my rock either. I guess this is moving on.
I hope I find my rock one day and I hope he values my worth more than you ever will.