For a long time, I believed men when they tried to have a serious conversation. But as time passed by, I finally figured out that 90% of them and what they say is absolute crap.
An ex-boyfriend of mine once sat me down to explain to me his concerns. He felt that he was giving this relationship his all, and I wasn’t doing my part. The details and reasoning were always vague, provoking me to question what exactly I was doing “wrong”. Where was I lacking in the relationship? Was I not calling him enough to make plans? Perhaps I wasn’t cuddling with him during a movie as often as he wanted. Did he expect me to play with his hair and massage his temples any time he sat down next to me? Or that I would tell him how great he is at every other waking moment?
You’re kidding me. I actually took this conversation to heart. I legitimately believed that I was not showing my love the same way he did, and therefore that meant that my affection was not enough.
The funny thing is, everyone is different. We are all unique, a phrase we continually shove through our children’s ears in hopes that they will live life on their own path. Which means, that we act and react to situations differently. This also means that I show my love for my significant other much differently than you, and you, and you do. It’s a simple fact. So for a man to tell me I’m not living up to my 50% of the relationship bargain, I am simply outraged. I apologize for not coddling and groping you in every moment of our togetherness.
Yet, I do recognize that I am a factor in a two-person relationship. Maybe there is something not quite right.
Maybe he’s simply not the one.
If he’s feeling like you’re not giving 100%, there’s a good chance you’re not. Reflect on the time you’ve spent with your partner and figure out what type of future you’re looking for – is it with said person? Are you happy? Could you be happier – are you still searching for more? It wasn’t until my ex told me how he felt that I realized how I was feeling. And I wasn’t feeling it.
I guess I should be thanking the boy. I realized I liked him as a person, but not as a partner. If he began falling in love with me, I’d never be able to reciprocate. Suffice to say, we ended things before anyone got seriously hurt.
If it’s not you, it’s definitely him.
I always blamed myself for not giving my all at all times to my main man. Eventually I realized that my boyfriend had difficulty with intimacy, and by that I mean he needed constant physical and emotional confirmation that I loved him. He needed to be petted like a dog every time he came and went, always needed to be ensured that I did in fact love him, and apparently thought he was better at giving massages and making me happy. He wasn’t happy, but I wasn’t the cause of it.
Thank god. I spent a good two months believing I was the reason for his lack of a full heart. Then I stopped taking his personal problems personally. I do hope that one day he’ll get his act together and realize that everyone loves in his or her own way, which is what makes it so damn beautiful.
Consider that maybe he’s right. Or he just doesn’t know you. At all.
Perhaps the man has a point. Maybe you don’t show your love well. Then again, maybe you simply do things differently. Isn’t the person you love supposed to love you for who you are? Which would mean that he would love me any time I decide to surprise him with a home cooked meal as well as the nights that I don’t. It would also mean that he respects me as the independent woman that I am and understand that when he says he likes that I’m not like other girls, that truly means I don’t do things like other girls.
And just because I don’t hold your hand when we drive or give you blowjobs every time you’re in the mood, doesn’t mean I don’t love you. Or that I’m not in this for the long haul.