I Am Not A Casual Person

I am not a casual person. I am not made to just go with the flow or to give up control to the unknown. I like order. I like plans.

I am not a casual person. I can’t will myself to go hook up with a guy just because I can. I refuse to give up the most intimate part of myself before he even knows my favorite color.

I am not a casual person. I speak passionately with words carefully picked from hours of deep thought behind them. I say what I think because the world needs to hear a little more truth.

I am not a casual person. I fall hard and fast… it’s the least casual thing about me. I love others so deeply that I think one day it will end up killing me.

I am not a casual person. I thrive off of checklists, color-coded papers and schedules.

I am not a casual person. I am always protecting my friends from making poor decisions. I am always preventing myself from having to make those decisions.

I am not a casual person. I work to keep my heart guarded under lock and key.

I am not a casual person. I plan my life down to the minute. I wish I was spontaneous, but that kind of life doesn’t suit me.

I am not a casual person. I am constantly afraid that the right person won’t be willing to break down all of my walls.

I am not a casual person. I don’t let just anyone attempt at knocking down even one.

I am not a casual person. I live my life openly, leaning into every emotion—good and bad.

I am not a casual person. I am not a casual person because I know that if I allow myself to be, I will end up just another casualty.