1. You two already bicker like boyfriend and girlfriend anyway.
You two never hold back your feelings, which can, at times, lead to little nugget-size squabbles. Maybe your temperamental side got the best of you and you got a tad too heated when she didn’t laugh at your naughty Harry Potter GIFs with the enthusiasm you would have liked. Or perhaps you just got off the phone with Duane Reade after they put you on hold for 75 minutes and suddenly your fringe collection isn’t quite the hilarious, knee-slapping joke it was the night before. Whatever the cause, it’s important not to fight these fights. These compact, yet intense quibbles should be expected; after all, there isn’t anyone who knows you better, and thus just what to say that will tick you off.
Because these fights, however tempestuous, are beautiful. They’re never full-fledged, never rooted in sanity, and best of all, they never last longer than a day. Even when the point of contention is relatively serious, like who ate the last piece of salmon sashimi, in a couple minutes you’ll realize that you wouldn’t want to fight over a piece of salmon sashimi with anyone else in the world.
The thing about fighting with your bff is, once emotions and nerves have settled to a steady hum, you two will inevitably see the fight for what it is – two bad moods colliding – and need not exchange a single apology to bounce right back to normal.
2. You two watch the same shows.
And, by dint of that, have pretty much identical priorities. There’s no grinding your teeth while having to sit through a boxing match in this relationship – no siree. No moratoriums on an episode of Scandal or Keeping Up with the Kardashians just because you’ve technically “already seen it.” And no scoffing at your attempts to start an in-depth discussion on the pros and cons of Olivia Pope’s cocked fedora (and what this says about her future in the state’s capital).
3. You won’t have to worry about meeting the parents.
Which can honestly sometimes feel like an additional relationship in itself – what with all of the inquiries, prodding, judgement and general effort it demands of you. It’s a colossal hurdle that’s practically bypassed if you and your best friend take the plunge.
The typical parent-girlfriend relationship is usually rife with uncertainty; Do they like me? Do they not? They must at least prefer me to their degenerate first born…right? It could take YEARS before you can comfortably pick food with your fingers out of your partner’s parent’s fridge. However, choose the righteous path and date your bff and you can kiss this ilk of uncertainty goodbye. With your bff as your bae, there’s no question: her parents hate you – always have, in fact, ever since you went to their house for your first playdate and convinced their daughter to cut all of her tops in half; that crop tops are always superior to non-crop tops. It’s just that they learned awhile ago that you’re never going away, and as a result, have forced themselves to accept you.
4. Nor will you have to have that dreaded “I have a new bae” talk with your parents.
It’s a conversation you’ve never been too fond of anyway. Hey mom and dad, meet this guy I’ve been seeing. He’s a life-size lumberjack with zero aspirations who I have no intention of marrying; life-size lumberjack, meet my parents. Oh and be careful not to get too close, lest you catch their rare case of chronic neuroses. Any warm feelings you may have had for me should henceforth dissolve.
Fun, isn’t it? Even more fun: go steady with your bff, and you’ll be able to avoid these conversations entirely. Not only do your parents know her, they actually tend to prefer her company to yours. Plus, it’s not like you two have made any attempts to conceal your feelings for one another. Your parents have two guest bedrooms, and yet sharing your twin size bed has always been the prevailing mode of sleepover; they’ve seen it coming for awhile now.
5. Problems that plagued your last relationships will be something to bond over in this one.
Think about it: any problems your ex may have had with you must not have bothered your best friend all that much; she’s still around, isn’t she? And facetiming you naked at least once a day, no less.
You two are cut from the same cloth; anything about you that may have contributed to your last breakup, your bff likely suffers from as well.
6. What – as if you have someone else lined up?
Do you? I’ll bet you don’t; in fact, if you live anywhere in New York’s tristate area, I’m certain you don’t. Yet if, by the stroke of some very rare strain of luck, you do happen to have your eye on a guy, your relationship with your best friend – your weekly sleepovers that are shrouded in a thick cloud of macarons and mystery, and your odd pact to never walk down the street together without holding hands – will likely be a point of contention anyway.
7. There won’t be anyone to get in the way of your finely-tuned reality.
After years of delusions, confirming those delusions, and then inventing some more delusions, you two are finally living the life you’ve always dreamed of: ensconced in a reality that is entirely fictitious and bends to your wants and needs. Day-long conversations abound in which no progress is made nor questions answered; just one self-seeking questions after the next, without an ounce of impatience over your mutual disregard for one another. “How do you think I’d look with pink hair?” you ask, to which she responds, “I hate my closet,” and so on and so forth.
Before, if she told you that you didn’t get a job because “they’re a bunch of whores who are obviously jealous of you,” there would always be some “reasonable” beau waiting for you at home, primed and ready to refute that theory. Now, devoid of such naysayers, living a life filled with fantasies and illusions is much easier.
8. You’ll finally be able to dress comfortably.
No more self-induced asthma from wearing those “sexy” jeans your ex-dude refused to keep quiet about. Ta-ta, you can finally say, to bras worn as t-shirts and cold tummy nights. Sayonara side-eyes, and the sexy Little Bo Peep costume that rightfully caused them.
You can cut the act now; the jig is up: there isn’t a single person on this planet who enjoys going to bed in a bandage dress, and that includes you.