“But — what?” you’re probably thinking, “Don’t roll up my sleeves? That goes against everything my mother has ever taught me.” To which I say: Yes. That is precisely my point.
Those new to the adult world will likely find that it can be a real bummer sometimes. You want to defy your parents — you want to surreptitiously unwrap a Fruit Roll-Up under your covers, knowing this goes directly against their orders — but as an “adult,” these rebellious pleasures are well-nigh impossible. No longer does not brushing my teeth bring me a sense of perverse pleasure; with my parents no longer around, it just brings me cavities.
Which is why it’s important to appreciate the little victories. Like the current proliferation of extra-long-sleeves — sleeves that will give you a triumphant high as you keep them unrolled and wolf down a plate of ketchup-soaked French fries.
1. Use them as gloves.
Extra long sleeves will give you a sense of glee, mid-winter, as your hands are effortlessly kept warm and without the fuss of having to keep track of a pair of gloves. To make these makeshift gloves even more practical, cut a hole at the end of the sleeves for you thumb.
2. To look like a human hanger.
On days that seem to stretch…on…forever…and ever…extra long sleeves are just the ticket you need. Style it with other, overly drape-y clothes like Jamie Bochert in her Willy-Vanderperre-lensed spread for Garage Magazine here and you could very well pass as a human hanger. Stand very still and your boss might even mistake you for a coat hanger, tossing his Barbour jacket onto you as he walks briskly into the office.
3. To slouch.
I would never encourage slouching, but if you’re going to slouch, just do it in extra long sleeves, OK? The draping practically invites bad posture. Or at least that seems to be the message every stylist is imparting this fall.
4. To wipe off your sweat with grace.
One would be ignorant to assume that the looming cold weather comes with a 6-month-long hiatus from sweating. No amount of polar vortexes can stop my mustache from producing beads of sweat…is what I say! It’s just that the average wipe-of-the-mustache-sweat with my hands and fingers is starting to feel so old. So overdone. So trite. Enter: extra long sleeves, stage right; any which way you choose to wipe off your sweat with them is going to look charming. For direction, consult Harleth Kuusik in her Vogue UK spread for the September issue (see below).
5. To make contact with something dirty.
I think of the cool, fall wind and I think: stability. No longer will I be surfing my way into Manhattan on the L train, balancing myself on someone’s toe as I look deep into the eyes of a panting mutt. With cold weather comes more clothes, more layers and thus more opportunities to hold the subway poles. And herein lies the beauty of the extra long sleeves; they won’t need to be fished out from your bag or wrapped around your hand like some poor scarf. They’re there for you, at a moment’s notice, to shield your skin from subway grime.