1. Intentional hat hair.
Um…you guys? I got this one. Don’t worry; I GOT IT COVERED. Hat hair is kind of my thing; you could call it my hair’s default state.
As a kid I used to think how much COOLER I would be if my hair weren’t so persistently flat; if only I had Natasha Lyonne’s spontaneous, frizzy and (dare I say) unruly curls or Elaine Benes’ bouncy and neurotic Jew fro. As a teen I took long bouts of refuge in the blowout, which would provide me with exactly 6-minutes-worth of straight, yet puffy and VOLUMINOUS hair, before falling back to its default boring state. And I won’t deny that there was a weird and ill-advised period in which I flirted with hot-curlers. What I wanted was Kelly Kapowski; instead, I was dealt with perennial hat hair – with a Pete Wentz flair on a good hair day. And a dreadful place to store secrets too (get it? Because it’s not big? Sigh).
Well finally, luck is on my side. Hat hair is…dare I say…in?
2. Half-up half-down.
Now I know what you’re thinking: why don’t you just throw a pair of blue-tinted sunglasses on my head and call me Mary-Kate and Ashley in a made-for-TV movie, right? But no…not right. I, too, often think this hairstyle was popularized by the Olsen twins and Baby Spice. It is very “’90s club kid,” as Etsy would say. And true, it is reminiscent of Melissa Joan Hart and butterfly clips.
But as Sky Ferreira so dutifully showed us, all of this does not mean that the half-up half-down doesn’t still look cute.
I tend to like her particular rendition of it: with short hair, leaving some baby hairs dangling. Very post-coital. Also, add a scrunchie to make it cuter.
3. Stringy hair — à la sweat or grease.
When I first saw this hairstyle, I felt a surge of recognition, an uncanny déjà vu type of moment. And it’s now clear why. Aside for the dog (or wolf — what have you), the clothes and the gaudy sheets, Lara Stone in this spread is, for all intents and purposes, me when I wake up in the morning. Exhausted — beat — but mostly sweaty. Where some people might see Lara’s hair here as a walk-in-the-rain type of ‘do, I can see it for what it actually is. You see, I sweat in my bed every night too. I, too, often wake up unsure as to whether I peed my bed or just had another particularly sweaty slumber. And I too wake up with this exact level of greasy, sweaty, down-to-the-roots stringy hair. I’d rather not inquire as to why this hairstyle was deemed worthy, and just continue to count my blessings. Sweaty hair? I don’t mind if I do!
4. The thick headband look.
For me, I look at this hair ‘do and I think: exfoliation, steam, extraction…y’know, happy thoughts. Because that’s where Daria looks like she just came from — the spa, after getting a facial. What’s particularly cool about these headbands is that they’re a very loyal friend to large-foreheaded people like me.
5. The boldly chopped bob.
I like the juxtaposition with this one and I do enjoy the confusion it engenders: are you a runaway orphan who’s been living under the GW Bridge for over a year? Or! Were you just modeling the Marc Jacobs Spring 2014 collection? The beauty is that you’ll never really know.
6. Ace Ventura hair.
I have no qualms here — none whatsoever! Got only good feelings about this one. This is just proof that EVERYTHING comes full circle. We’re already two years into the Hawaiian shirt comeback, are you really that surprised about this one?
Frankly, I like this twirly ‘do. It COULD have something to do with its likeness to a Mister Softee I once knew, but I do! I like it.