52 Things Guys Should NEVER Say After Sex

  1. Does the HPV shot hurt?
  2. What’s that smell?
  3. You’re weird…you know that?
  4. Do you have mouthwash?
  5. My mom taught me that one. **WINK**
  6. I love stuffing my fat fucking face.
  7. I’m sorry…
  8. Fork it out?
  9. **Goes to pee** Huh. Just felt like I was peeing fire.
  10. My ex girlfriend had gonorrhea.
  11. You look like my mom.
  12. Wow babe. Just. Wow.
  13. I think it’s time we alert the authorities because WE’VE GOT A QUEEFER!!
  14. I love you.
  15. Do you have any underwear I can borrow?
  16. Where’s the closest place to catch a cab?
  17. Is tip included?
  18. Hey, what’s that?! **You turn around to see what he’s talking about, then look back and he’s gone.**
  19. You’re still here?
  20. I think the condom broke.
  21. So I think the effort is cute, but I just can’t have my wife working.
  22. Send the next girl up, would you? She should be waiting behind the front door.
  23. Did you cum?
  24. That was great, Bonquisha! (Oh. And your name isn’t Bonquisha.)
  25. Come on, let me buy you breakfast. **Leads you to White Castle…**
  26. P.S. you took my virginity.
  27. Well that didn’t feel good!
  28. Bye! **Runs off**
  30. Your sister was better.
  31. You’re on the pill, right?
  32. **You get up to go to the bathroom** “6.5!!” he yells, while holding up a sign.
  33. I can’t tell if you had an orgasm…
  34. K, yeah. It’s time you go. The wife will be here soon.
  35. **In a baby voice** Awww would you wook at my wittle baby? Did baby like that? Did she?
  36. Who are you?
  37. Yay! Now we can itch together!
  38. K so let’s try that again, except this time you’ll be the guy and I’ll be the girl!
  39. Annnnnd scene! **Goes to computer, switches off webcam.**
  40. Hey! My rash is gone!
  41. High five?
  42. Insemination complete!
  43. “Hi, is this the exterminator? No no, I don’t have bed bugs, just this ONE bed bug I’m trying to get rid of…” **Eyes you portentously…**
  44. Do you know if the antibiotics for chlamydia have any adverse side effects?
  45. Do you have any extra empty soda cans?
  46. Now get back down to the basement!
  47. Does this mean you’ll follow me on Twitter?
  48. Sorry…what’s your name?
  49. We’re not telling anyone about this, right?
  50. Your boobs look just like how mine used to look.
  51. Yeah, definitely gay.
  52. **SNORING.** Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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