1. Accepting without messaging
So you fancy a dude; you don’t have his number but you do have his first and last name and his Facebook page open on the screen in front of you. “Oh, fuck it!” you say. You hover the mouse over the “Add Friend” button, turn the other way and click like the reckless gal that you are. You start off giddy and then, with every passing minute that he doesn’t accept, less giddy and more insecure. Finally, three days later and wholly downcast, you are notified that he has finally accepted—and that’s it. No message to go along with it; not even a “like.” And so it’s settled: he either has a girlfriend or must be gay. In other words, he isn’t down. **STAMPED: NOT DTF**
2. Accepting with immediate message
Conversely, the time it takes a crush to accept a friend request is really a moot point if the acceptance is sent in tandem with a personal message. Because in this case they are explicitly DTF.
3. A personal birthday message
One of the very few useful Facebook features is its catalog of birthdays. Birthday protocol on Facebook is tremendously lazy; we have all reached a point where a mere “HBD” will send us, heart aflutter, into a state of supreme confidence. Put differently, the standards we hold for others have plunged dramatically. So if a crush sends you a personal message on Facebook wishing you a happy birthday, don’t write it off as casual. This person is suspiciously DTF, believe you me, and don’t you forget it. Unless, of course, the personal message is “HBD.” Then this person is just an asshole.
4. Commenting on an article you posted
The value of a Facebook post these days is diminishing faster than you can say “pumpernickel.” With so many pointless posts cramming your feed per day, the content of these posts have begun to hold less meaning than the comments underneath. There are two ways a crush can go when commenting on your post: the DTF route or the NOT DTF route. The former is vaguely flirtatious, with a compliment thrown in somewhere; the latter is typically a direct response to the article you posted, with heavy word choice and didactic language. Learn it and don’t get it twisted.
5. An old photo getting love
Nothing says DTF like one of your 2009-era Facebook photos getting some random love. Such behavior suggests that your entire history of tagged Facebook photos was just thoroughly investigated; and that your photo albums were just raped in the butt. As in, much exertion, v. crushing.
6. Learning vital information about crush through his or her posts
Dutifully noting the Facebook activity of a crush, even if it does not involve you, can be very revealing of one’s DTF level. For instance, if a guy you’ve been seeing posts something like, “Off to Colombia! Cartagena here I come!” and this fact was unbeknownst to you, then he’s 1) tremendously lame and 2) NOT DTF.
7. Being asked by a dude to watch him jerk off
On the other hand, if a dude sends you the ol’ “will you watch me jerk off?” message, then you can be pretty sure he’s DTF. Though it is very possible that he’s DTF in less of a conventional and more of a “sexting fetish” kind-of-way.
8. Your “I’m returning home” post gets liked
Perhaps you’ve been working abroad for the past year and finally have time to come home. Maybe you want to secure some DTF potentials before your arrival. How do you do it, you ask? Why, the ol’ “NYC get ready for me! Home in 2 days!!” post, of course. Liking this post is another way of telling the writer of said post that you’re 50% DTF, but not quite ready for the level of commitment implicit in personal messages
9. Playful banter
If someone tries to spark up some playful banter with you on Facebook, they’re DDTF—as in, desperately down to fuck. This is the type of kid you can guarantee will come right over at the sound of a 2am booty call. Put ’em in your back pocket; they’re not going anywhere.
10. If posting on their wall garners one “like”
Posting something to a crush’s wall can cause all sorts of anxiety-induced rashes—hives, boils, psoriasis, you name it. The recipient knows this, and therefore also knows that their response carries much weight. When your post garners nothing but a measly “like,” it’s time to throw in the towel because your crush is—BOOM!— NOT DTF.
11. Receiving a party invitation
Getting invited to a party is not at all a sign that the person is DTF and if you happen to glean this from a simple invite, then there’s a good chance you’re socially stunted.
12. Receiving an indirect party invitation
And yet, it’s astonishing how different in nature the direct party invite is from the indirect one. If a dude invites you to his friend’s party—and it’s clear he didn’t dole out invites in a state of reckless abandon—then he is DTF.