17 Perks Of Living Alone

1. You can talk to yourself without any sorority girls threatening to call your therapist or paramedics.

2. Sharing is caring but not sharing is literally so much more preferable, I swear.

3. You can hot box yourself under your sheets and then, when you pop your head out, there’s no one there to judge you but yourself!

4. You can do annoying things like keep an extension cord in a very inconvenient spot—for instance, obstructing the entrance to your bathroom. Fun game: You can make your apartment into one giant obstacle course that only you can crack.

5. You can pick your nose for 6 hours straight.

6. When you have a cough, you don’t have to hold back those old man sounds bubbling up inside of you. You can walk around NAKED hacking up phlegm, and you can do it like a G.

7. The remote belongs to one person and that’s you.

8. Which means you can do that thing where you talk back to the TV when Keeping Up With The Kardashians is on with extremely banal remarks like, “I really do like Khloe the best! I do!” without anyone there to give you a disapproving stink eye.

9. You can play Britney Spears’s “Everytime” eight times in a row and convince yourself it’s chill even though your neighbor wants you to be put in a guillotine for it.

10. You can actually get shit done, re: at-home bikini wax, practicing your karaoke, kegels etc…

11. There’s a chance you might actually learn how to twerk. Because we all know there’s nary a roommate who will not disturb you if you tell her to “please let you be” because you’re teaching yourself how to twerk.

12. You can do that other thing where you spend twenty minutes trying to adjust the volume on your computer with your TV remote and, again, there will be no one there to judge you but yourself.

13. You can also snap along to songs as much as your rhythm-less heart desires, though I’d recommend not over-doing it as it’s a hard habit to break.

14. You can have a super exciting, hypochondria-filled night where you first convince yourself that you have a cold, then the flu, and finally cancer, with no one there to calm you down! It’s like an unpredictable, wild roller coaster rolled up into a sweaty night!

15. If you forget your keys, you can call up your crush with a legitimate reason as to why you can sleep nowhere else that night but under his sheets.

“Listen, Dave, it’s not even really up to me. In fact it’s past the point of decision. I’m in your closet.”

16. For an entire day you can nibble on pepper jack cheese in your purple muumuu while watching Youtube clips of Amanda Bynes circa 2013. And since no one will want to take part in this self-deprecating activity, no one will annoy you.

17. You, and only you, lord over any rats, spiders or roaches who cross your path. You are the only lord.