In the latest installment of bizarre fetishes that we would rather not be privy to but are because of the Internet, I present to you: findom. Findom is a subculture of men who get off on giving gratuitous money or gifts to various “doms” or dominatrix women, either in person or via webcam. Often times the doms will degrade and humiliate these men in the process.
On the outset it does indeed seem quite fortuitous that there’s a whole slew of men out there with too much money for their own good, who want to be subverted, blackmailed and will pay for this. Some even get off on a good ol’ dose of humiliation. Mistress Bella, a dom who practices findom and general fetish work—like “charging one client over $100 every few weeks to send him a DVD of her crushing bananas and tomatoes in stiletto heels”—said of her findom clients, “Some like to be humiliated and then have pictures of them doing these tasks posted online.”
Because, ya know, sometimes these guys just need to be pulled down from their pedestal…by nipple clamps.
It almost sounds too good to be true. A bunch of dudes paying you to degrade them and accept gifts and money from them? You’d be right to be a tad skeptical, because it’s really not as simple as that. For one thing, it no doubt gives the dom a semblance of control and power that, in reality, she does not really have. When push comes to shove, the doms’ job is to satiate these men’s fetishes and fantasies, to serve them. Nic Buxom, who has been in the Los Angeles S&M scene for quite some time now, said, “I see a lot of girls coming into this thinking they’re going to make a lot of money. But it’s work—you need to have empathy, you need to be able to read your clients…There’s a misconception that doms do whatever they want to men. But really you’re fulfilling his needs, you’re doing what he wants.”
Then there’s the question of morality and ethics. Of the men who are into findom, Bella said the majority are “white, male, middle-aged and solidly middle- to upper middle-class.” In a sense, these doms seem to be allowing these mens’ inner Patrick Bateman to thrive. Which, yes, should be cause for some concern. Because really, is it okay for anyone to perpetuate or facilitate a financially dangerous addiction? While I can understand why people might not have immense pity for these Wall Street types, there’s also the fact that not all of these men are Patrick Bateman clones. Sometimes, as in the case of Reddit user mistakesweremade, it’s just a college kid who has a real addiction and no disposable income. One particularly lamentable act he partook in regularly was sharing his credit card information and Amazon account with doms and “watch on cam as they looted me.” “Was it their fault? Was it mine?” he asked, “I’m not sure, but I was definitely addicted. The entire time I’d be shaking.”