21 Amazing Quotes From The Amazing Book, “Bitch Are You Retarded?”

Amazon.com
Amazon.com
Bitch Are You Retarded? is the title of a real book written by Carlos J. Lee that I currently have in my possession. The subheading is particularly touching: “Stop Being A Dumbass! Either He Loves You, He’s In Love With You, Or You’re Just Something To Do For Right Now. Either Way, Learn The Difference And When To Walk Away.” But, despite the crass title (and all the typos), Carlos seems to be on to something here. Read on for 21 of my favorite quotes from the book.

1. Turns Out, Women Actually Are Smarter Than Men

It’s true women are smarter than men are. Women are designed to be thinkers, analyzers, insightful, and the voice of reason. Most importantly, you’re more patient than we are, and that automatically gives you an advantage over us. Men aren’t patient. We’re big babies who…are also the aggressors, hostile, over reactors, act first and think later beings. However, over the years somehow women have allowed men to make them crazy, unbalanced, unworthy, have low self-esteem, and to feel like second-class citizens…As a result of that, women have taken their internal gifts and suppressed them deep inside of them until they become…reduced to a melted blob waiting to be thrown out.

2. The Sad Truth: You’re Dating A Child

Stop treating men as if we’re these big masculine tough guys that we’re really not that turn you on whenever you feel we take charge or take control. When in reality we’re all just little boys…Yes, I know your boyfriend has a lot of cool, sexy tattoos on his muscular arms and shoulders, he’s still a little boy…he’s still a little weak boy! It’s true ladies, we need you more then you need us. Overall, the only thing a man is really good for is sex and lifting heavy objects. Even though I say that all men are little boys they’re sill two types of little boys, one is a little boy, and the other is an immature little boy. Which one are you in a relationship with?…So stop letting that little boy give you stress, heartaches and headaches. Put his ass up for adoption and walk away!

3. Seriously Though. It’s Rather Simple.

If you knew how he really was (meaning just a guy) you wouldn’t be crying over him, you wouldn’t be arguing with him, you wouldn’t be missing him, you wouldn’t be going out of your way for him, truth be told you probably wouldn’t even be talking to him or given him the time of day.

4. As Miranda Hobbes Would Say, He’s Just Not That Into You

Ok, ladies, here it is. I’m going to reveal to you the ultimate truth about men in this book and why we mistreat you, take you for granted, disregard your feelings, or why we just cant give you what you need emotionally. Also, I will explain to you why we’re non affectionate/romantic towards you and why we can’t even be supportive in the simplest of circumstances. The answers to these questions are very simple, and it all comes down to one reason and one reason only…HE’S NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU, period!

5. Apparently Men Can Differentiate From Loving Someone And Being In Love With Someone

When your man only loves you, he can still be caring and respectful towards you. He’ll still enjoy spending time with you and taking you out to dinners and movies. He’ll spend time with your family and friends, he’ll talk with you on the phone for hours, he won’t say or do anything to hurt you, and he’ll be good and decent towards you…However, regardless of all these positive moments you two share together, either way you’re still not the one who he wants to be in a long-term committed relationship with. Why? Because you’re not the core of his desire…He’s waiting for someone who will stir that fire that’s in his belly…Unfortunately, it’s not you.

6. FML

A man knows in the first five minutes of meeting you if he wants to be with you. So stop wasting your time.

7. This One’s A No-Brainer

When a man says he’s afraid of commitment, what he’s really saying is, he doesn’t want to be committed to you!…The thing is, he would never tell you how he really feels about you, because he would never want to hurt your feelings.

8. Remember That Time You Asked Him To Move In? (Good Times)

The reason he won’t move in with you, is because your relationship is not that serious to him and he doesn’t see a future with you. In short, you’re not the core of his desire…If he were in love with you then he would jump at the chance.

9. Who’s The Gold Digger Now, Huh Kanye?

Does he routinely ask you for money?…He has no problem continuously asking you for money because he isn’t in LOVE, or CARES or RESPECTS you, period, point blank.

10. On Saying “I Love You”

Whatever his reasons for saying it, he means it, and there’s emotions and feelings behind it. So, if he’s not saying it to you regularly, without you having to say it first, it’s because he’s not in love with you.

11. Good News: He’s Actually Not Averse To PDA, Just You

If he wont give you public forms of affection, or says he doesn’t like to give public forms of affection, then he’s not in love with you…As men, we have to touch the woman we’re in love with.

12. Lee, For Women Everywhere, I’m Gonna Have To Call Your Bluff On This One

He doesn’t call or text you throughout his day…That’s how a man, in love, communicates with his woman!…A man, in love, wants to give his woman reassurance just like he needs reassurance so as much as he can he’ll always try to give her that security and reassurance that he’s always taken her feelings into consideration.

13. Good Good, Glad To Hear It

After all these years here’s your answer as to why your man cheats…BECAUSE HE’S NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU!!

14. If He Cheats, It’s Because He Wants To

He said he cheated but it just happened. No, it doesn’t just happen, duh. It’s not as if he was blindfolded and playing pin the dick on the home wrecker.…Ladies, if he were truly in love with you, it wouldn’t have happened in the first place.

15. Curveball!

Ladies, men don’t think with their dicks, they think with their egos.

16. If You Think He’s Acting Shady, Well…It’s Because He Is

Does he always keep his cell phone close to him or locked? This is a no brainer. He’s cheating. Unless he’s working for the government, ladies, there’s no real reason for a man to keep his phone on locked status, especially around his woman.

17. Long Distance Is Possible, Goddamnit

A man in love can easily handle a long distance relationship…When a man is truly in love with his woman, being apart for a long period of time or having to live in different states for the time being, will absolutely not make him want to cheat.

18. Mama’s Boys Can Be Dicks Too (Surprise Surprise)

If a man is good and respectful to his mother, he’ll be good and respectful to his woman. Wrong! It just means he’s good to his mother.

19. Hey Lee, Follow-Up Question: Is The Pope Catholic?

If he’s constantly abusing you with his mouth, then he’s not in love with you, period! A real man who’s in love is using his mouth to praise his woman and to lift her up, give her words of support and encouragement if anything. I’m not telling you the way things should be but the way they are

20. On Scratching The Surface, And Why Some Men Just Won’t Budge

He’s not making the effort to communicate because he doesn’t want to, he doesn’t care, he’s not in love with [you] anymore…Ladies you have to understand that when a man in love sees any kind of upset…He quickly wants to make things right again.

21. Being Treated Well Is Underrated

In the end, ladies, the only thing that’s going to matter is how a man treats you period!…If he’s really in love with you, he’s going to show it, period!…These are not just my opinions or beliefs, but how men think overall. TC mark

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