20 Kick-Ass Quotes From Wit-Master Dorothy Parker
Dorothy Parker was one witty woman. She was a wonderful writer, a founding member of the Algonquin Circle, and a complete badass.
Heterosexuality is not normal, it’s just common.
The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.
I require three things in a man: he must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.
Now I know the things I know, and I do the things I do; and if you do not like me so, to hell, my love, with you!
Four be the things I’d have been better without: love, curiosity, freckles and doubt.
That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three I’m under the table,
after four I’m under my host.
Two at the very most.
After three I’m under the table,
after four I’m under my host.
Tell him I was too fucking busy – or vice versa.
Brevity is the soul of lingerie.
If I didn’t care for fun and such,
I’d probably amount to much.
But I shall stay the way I am,
Because I do not give a damn.
I’d probably amount to much.
But I shall stay the way I am,
Because I do not give a damn.
You can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make her think.
And if my heart be scarred and burned,
The safer, I, for all I learned.
The safer, I, for all I learned.
Constant use had not worn ragged the fabric of their friendship.
If you wear a short enough skirt, the party will come to you.
I don’t care what is written about me so long as it isn’t true.
Three be the things I shall never attain:
Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.
Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.
Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves.
The two most beautiful words in the English language are: Cheque Enclosed.
Writing is the art of applying the ass to the seat.