What To Do When They Don’t Come Back

What To Do When They Don't Come Back
Tanja Heffner

It’s been weeks, months, maybe longer. You say you’ve moved on, but part of you is still waiting for them to show up a your door, preferably with a bouquet of flowers, asking if you can both surrender to this terrible game. You assume they still think about you as much as you think of them, and that one day when the world is done showing them what they lost, they’ll come back on their knees begging for you to take them back. It’s what we all wish would happen; something to fuel our ego and pride. But you might be the only one playing this game.

Now what happens when they never come back? What happens when you realize they have moved on, maybe even quicker than you have? It’s hard to accept, especially when you feel that you weren’t in the wrong, but eventually you will have to in order to fully move on. Not everyone has the realization of what they lost, and even if they did, only the good ones will act on it.

First you need to ask yourself if you really want them back in the first place. Much of what we hold on to are things that don’t even exist anymore. Yes, these feelings and situations existed at one time, but memories are just dead moments. We can not try to recreate something that isn’t possible anymore. People change, and usually not at the same rate we do. You may believe that you’re better now, that everything would work out this time, but a relationship takes two people. They may have changed into a better person, they may have changed into a worse person, or they may have stayed exactly the same. Just because you feel ready, doesn’t mean they do, and it doesn’t mean they ever will be.

You also must realize that you are not living your life to the fullest potential by sitting around waiting for them. You don’t have to be physically sitting at the door moping for this to apply. Hanging on to someone allows them to inhabit a piece of your mind, whether you know it or not. The longer it takes for you to accept they aren’t coming back, the longer it will take the rewire your brain into a life without them. Don’t remain so hung up on one person not wanting to be with you, that you miss all the other great friendships and relationships that await you. All of this love and attention you are pouring into someone who doesn’t even benefit from it, could be used on the people who truly love you.

Sometimes it’s better to assume you will never see someone again. It takes a lot of weight off your shoulders to know there is nothing more for you, nothing else to expect. The ending you had with them is final, and now you can work on healing from it. What we wish for is not always what’s best for us. It’s time to shut the door, it’s time to put all your efforts into yourself instead of them. You don’t need to keep looking back to your past and you don’t need someone else’s love to be validated. Show up to your own life, indulge in its potential, and the flowers they never brought you, go plant them yourself. TC mark

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