I Share Your DNA, But I Will Never Be Your Daughter

Flickr / Mioshu
Flickr / Mioshu

Dear Sperm Donor,

I write this letter not for your benefit, but for my own. You accused me once of talking about you “around town.” You were right, I have spoken of you, but everything I have said was true.

I have said that I am now 25 years old, and in my memory bank of that time there was not much for which you acknowledged me. In said time the only cards I ever received were ones containing the words Merry or Happy, usually followed by some holiday. And yet the only reason why your name was there was because of your wife putting them there. I have never received a phone call on my birthday. In fact, I did not know we shared the same DNA until I was around 8 years old. I just knew you as my brother’s dad. That’s right, my brother’s dad…my full-blooded brother, whom you have raised, and yet you still continue to deny and ignore my existence.

We have no relationship. We have never had a relationship. And honestly, I have not lost sleep over that. Now, I know that my mom might have tried to protect me from you by not allowing us to have a relationship. However, she passed away 11 years ago. There was time after that to try to build a relationship. I turned 18 seven years ago and am old enough to make my own decisions.

And not once have you tried; I have. I have sat at your table and tried to converse with you, to show you a bit about me and with little to no hope to see a bit about you. If you have ever wanted a relationship, you have had ample opportunity. You just never took it. There is no one to blame but you.

You denied my existence. You denied your paternity. You said I was not yours, that my mother had an affair. Quite honestly, I would not have blamed her if she did. However, my mother was an honest woman and would not have done that. I know, because her second husband was a long-haul truck driver and she remained faithful to him for 14 years, until the day she died. Plus, I look too much like my brother to deny that we’re siblings.

I have said all of these things. Multiple times, multiple stories. I have not embellished, nor have I lied. I have spoken the truth. Now, here is a little truth for you:

I got married one month ago. I no longer carry your last name, and therefore I have no more reason to associate any part of my life with you. On my wedding day, my dad, father, and best friend walked me down the aisle. You do not deserve any of those titles. I have never lost sleep over the fact that you plain did not want me. In fact, I thrived because of it. I have appreciated a parent’s love so much more because I know that it doesn’t happen just with DNA. I have followed in my father’s footsteps. I have chosen to love a child that shares no DNA with me. I have felt more at home with the family I grew up with, who share nothing but memories and love with me, than those who share my blood. I have learned what kind of parent I want to be. I want to be my dad. I want my son to know that I am there for him 100%, no matter what, because that’s what parents do. So thank you. Thank you for letting him love me the way a father should. Thank you for showing me how not to be. Thank you for showing me that I did not miss out on anything. Thank you for being you.

Sincerely,

A girl who looks like you, shares your DNA, but will never be your daughter. TC mark

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