It’s funny how things happen when you least expect them to. I met this cute guy who asked for my number almost immediately. Me being the imaginative person I am, I was already daydreaming about the first date. We even had the cute “first time we met” story. He walked me to my car, and all I could think was that chiviliary wasn’t dead.
One thing led to another, and after about two weeks of consistently texting, as well as persistent attempts to hang out, we finally decided to watch a movie at my apartment. Long story short, he was in it for one thing: the sex. After about two hours of him trying to get in my pants and constant reassurance that this would not be a one night stand, I finally gave in. The end result after he left that day? I barely heard from him again. Our only connection was our snap streak, which he killed a week later.
I was disappointed after this experience, so I started talking to my friends about it. I worried I did something wrong and it was my fault. That was until after speaking with my Best Guy Friend (BGF). My BGF is experienced when it comes to talking to girls, and if you looked at his phone, you’d easily find there are about 20 girls snapping him at a time and 50 unread text messages.
He first started by telling me it wasn’t me, it was the other guy. That line was so overused that I simply rolled my eyes. Truthfully, I was more annoyed that I was so naive and couldn’t see that the guy obviously just wanted to hook up. I asked my BGF how I fell for someone who was investing so much time in me initially and so genuine at first. He decided from here to stop me and simply guess exactly how this guy did it. Here is the sad thing: My BGF had guessed every single move this guy had pulled on me. What my BGF made me realize is that there is a whole formula to these sort of guys getting in a girl’s pants.
For so long I overlooked that there is a whole strategy to sleeping with a girl. It’s more than simply asking the girl to sleep with them. Here is the unique process my friend shared with me:
1. The guy will wait for others to shoot their shot first.
It’s funny, because I had never noticed this before. A lot of times a guy will hold back initially to assess the situation. In the meantime, the eager and sometimes weirder people will attempt to make a move. Typically, the guy waits for the girl to get worn down from other people shooting their shot. When the girl has others hitting on her, the guy who wants to sleep with her can see what she does and doesn’t like when a guy flirts. From there, he can come up with how he’ll approach talking with her. More importantly, this makes this guy look more desirable, because he isn’t pouncing on the girl just yet.
2. The guy will show a little interest, but just enough for you to want to come back for more.
The guy will never show you everything he has to offer. He’ll talk to you a little or even crack a joke. He wants you to wonder more about him, but also see if you will reciprocate with attention. From here he can gauge where to go next, whether he needs to show you a little more attention or back off. He knows girls like a challenge, and truthfully, when a guy shows you too much attention, doesn’t that make you want to try less?
3. He will exude confidence, which is what every girl wants in a guy.
This next step will occur after he’s talked a little bit with you. The confidence he’s showing is displayed by both how he carries himself and how smooth he makes a conversation go. This step may include a little flirting or even sarcasm. Everyone wants someone who is confident—at least, to a certain degree. This is a delicate step for the guy, because he doesn’t want to cross the line between confidence and cockiness.
4. He’ll go in for the kill, which means he’s asking for either the snap or the digits.
Now that he’s set the stage and can tell you are interested, he will either ask for your number or snap. If he goes for the number, it shows he wants to get to know you by taking an old fashioned and formal approach. The snap is to show he wants to slowly ease into talking and doesn’t want to come off too strong. Either route he goes, he will want to get the other form of communication later on.
5. He will show you a lot of attention and hit you up first.
He has gotten the prize, the coveted number/snap. He will most likely wait an hour or so, then hit you up. Initially, he’ll be quick to respond and show a lot of interest. He wants you to know he’s interested. This makes you feel really special, as if you are the only girl he’s talking to. Everyone loves when a guy seems genuinely interested and wants to talk to you.
6. He’ll ask you questions about yourself while weaving in compliments.
Further showing he is interested, he will ask questions about your hobbies and life. This is when the compliments come into the conversation as well. He wants to come off as a nice guy, someone who really wants to know who YOU are. In this stage, it’s hard to distinguish if the guy is really interested in you or just trying to sleep with you. However, this step is needed because he has to lay the foundation to portray the image of being a good guy.
7. He will mention wanting to make plans to see if you are interested.
The guy has been talking to you for a little now, maybe a week or two, and he wants to hang out finally. He will bring up wanting to see you, that way he can tell if you are still interested. Persistence is key, because he wants you to know he’s very much into you.
8. The plans will mainly involve going to either his place or yours.
Here it is: This is the first big red flag! You may mention wanting to get coffee, and maybe he obliges the first time, or maybe he just keeps pushing the idea of wanting to just watch TV and hang out. Whichever the case, initially mentioning wanting to hang out in the other person’s place is a big sign he might want to just hook up. You might not jump to this conclusion at first, though, especially since he hasn’t mentioned hooking up or been overly sexual when talking to you. He’s been respectful, and something like that doesn’t seem like him.
9. Once you hang out, he will respectfully keep his distance, still asking questions about you.
These final steps all happen quickly. So you’ve decided to hang out. He seems like a nice enough guy who’s interested in you. In the back of your mind, you may wonder if he’s just trying to sleep with you, but he didn’t come off that way while you were texting him. When he shows up to your place, you both sit and watch TV. He keeps his distance and holds a nice conversation. You think, “This is really nice. He isn’t being sleazy and seems interested in getting to know me.”
10. Next, he will start with a little physical contact.
As the night progresses, maybe he puts his arm behind the couch near you, or when you show him a picture on your phone, he leans in really close. These are all tests to see if you pull away or seem uncomfortable. From here comes the hand on the leg and him looking at you in a seductive way. Maybe you are thinking that he’s showing you a little affection and it’s nice. He’ll make sure to continue to ask questions and have light conversation so you aren’t uncomfortable with the added physical contact.
11. If you allow this, then he’s ready to go in for the kill.
You’ve gotten to the final stage. He’s been maybe holding your thigh and easing his way into the idea that he is physically into you. This is where he will flirt and see how far he can go. You allowed him partially through the door, and now he’s just going to go for it and open it the whole way. He is going to try to kiss you and go further after that. In your mind, you will struggle with the idea of whether or not you want this to happen. The thoughts of him seeming like a good guy and being interested in you will go back and forth. I mean… he doesn’t seem like the type to hit it and not come back.
At this point, you have already fallen into his trap—you think he’s a good guy because he’s laid the foundation before this that he’s a good buy. You oblige and decide to go further. Maybe you make the excuse he just got carried away, but at least he will try to still get to know you afterwards. He may even affirm that this isn’t a one night stand.
I’m not against the idea of people sleeping with people; however, I do have a problem when the guy tells someone that this isn’t a one-time thing and then never hits the person up again. If you are okay with the idea that this may be a one-time thing, go for it! But sometimes guys use the formula and then never return again.
One thing is important, though: A lot of times men like a challenge to conquer. Once he has gotten what he wants, and if he has a one night stand type of mentality, then many times he fades away.
As much as this process sucked to go through, I learned the warning signs for the next time. Not all guys are bad, but no matter the age, there always seems to be people who simply want to hook up and never see you again. The thing is, as they grow older, their technique tends to get better. Watch out for the signs!