The title seems like a funny concept, but if you are taking the time to read this it has either sparked your curiosity, or your heart is tearing apart at the seams. Although I hope it is just because you are curious and the title intrigued you, let me explain what I mean. This isn’t a note feeling sorry for myself, or even complaining. Heartbreak is a terrible lesson one must learn at least once in their lives. If you are reading this on a laptop, tablet, or any other form of electronic device, consider yourself blessed. You are alive, breathing, and are wealthy enough to have internet access. That alone should be enough to motivate you to move on from your heartbreak.
To begin let me tell you a bit about how I found myself to be in love with a man. When I first met him it was never my intentions to be sitting here over a year later, wearing make-up with my hair curled, in an attempt to act as if I am okay. I fell in love suddenly, I remember looking at him one day, smelling him close to me, feeling the touch of his hand, and thinking that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this man. I can’t explain how you know, but when you know, well you just know. He was deep in thought reading an email for work, and I was sitting there in awe pretending to be busy on my own phone, but all I could think about was this warm feeling taking over my body, the blood was rushing to my head, and it was then that I knew I loved him.
That should have been the greatest feeling in the world, but instead of being overwhelmed with happiness I started to feel anxious. I kept thinking about how this man would never love me back in the way I needed him to. It completely changed me as a person. My world started to revolve around him. My focus was on when I could see him next, how I could get his attention, what I could do to make him love me more.. I lost myself. I became so consumed with trying to make this man love me back that I lost sight of who I was as a person. My hobbies didn’t seem fun to me anymore if they weren’t something that I could grab his attention with, or something that could impress him. I drove my friends up the wall talking about this man because every little thing he did amazed me.
They supported me as much as they could but expressed their concerns about how invested I was in someone who showed minimal interest in me and only when it was convenient for him. I knew from the start that this would not be an ideal relationship, and that it would not turn out the way I wanted it to. I always thought I could change him, I thought I could make him love me. It has taken me over a year to realize that you can’t make someone fall for you. I have nothing bad to say about him, and to this day I still care for him the same. The difference now is the lesson I learned, you have to fall in love with someone who doesn’t love you back to learn how to love yourself for all that you are.
While my world was revolving around him, his world was revolving around himself as well, as it should be. He didn’t love me like I needed him to, he loved his career and he continued to do what was best for him while I continued to focus on anything and everything I could do that I thought would help me make someone fall in love with me.
In losing myself I learned a lot about myself. I have started to set goals for myself and for myself only. None of these goals are to impress him or to grab his attention, they are solely for me. It took not understanding why someone would never love me to learn that I need to love myself first. How can you expect someone to love you when you lose yourself trying to gain their love? I have learned that you must love yourself and establish yourself and love will come. I haven’t moved on to anyone else, and quite frankly I am not ready. Not because I am hanging onto the idea that he will change his mind, he won’t. Instead I haven’t moved on to anyone else because I am still trying to gain my identity back. Love isn’t always easy, but it should never be forced.
You can’t force someone to love you, and you shouldn’t have to beg for love. Reciprocated love will happen, just not always with the person you thought it would be with. As I write this I am telling you that it will be okay, your heartbreak is temporary, you will move on. This is what I have been telling myself every morning since I gave up the exhausting and impossible task of trying to change someone’s heart. You and I, we both deserve a kind love, a love that is given without being asked for, and a love that doesn’t make you anxious, but instead makes you feel so secure.
You should have you heart broken by someone who will never love you back because it helps you grow and find yourself. He will always have a piece of my heart, and I am fine with letting him keep it. One day I will thank him for showing me what heartbreak is, because he has set me free to find a love that will be given to me endlessly and unconditionally. Let go. Find yourself. Love will follow.