Google defines a sociopath as: a person with a personality disorder manifesting itself in extreme antisocial attitudes and behavior and a lack of conscience.
Now look at the guy who cheated, lied, manipulated and hurt you over and over and over again. If he hits all or even a few of these 5 traits, he really could be a sociopath!
1. He has an oversized ego
Does the guy you’re with have a huge ego or a huge sense of entitlement? Does he, to paraphrase my girl Taylor Swift; “love himself more than he’ll ever love you”? If he does, or if he has a tendency to talk about past accomplishments or how cool he was in high school (but in college he’s a friendless loser or performing poorly in school or a sport…), and you’re not seeing the talk match the actions, then you have yourself a red flag.
2. He lies and manipulates you, more than once
Did he lie about the weirdest things or always have some bizarre situation he has to “take care of”. Does he turn blame and fault on you and leave you feeling ‘crazy’ despite the glaring evidence that he was a liar and cheater? Did he threaten you or tell you to stop with the “trust” issues in order to get you to buy into his never ending lies? If that was the case then or now- red flag.
3. He has never empathized with you once
He is always manipulating you to believe that you are the cause of whatever issues he is really causing. He can cause you pain and watch you suffer without ever taking responsibility or feeling remorse- he waits for you to collect yourself and take the responsibility for his actions. He’s never once muttered the words “I know how I’ve made you feel” or “I know this is hard for you, let me fix it”. You could find all the evidence in the world and present it to him and he’ll either defend it or out right deny it and then turn around and leave you feeling delusional and guilty for getting upset. If he defends or denies his actions while watching you beat yourself up and suffer; that is another red flag.
4. You have more fingers on your hand than he does friends
What does he do in his free time; sleep, eat like shit, play video games….nothing (cheat on you)? Does he have any real friends he values time with or does he stay around his family because they’re easy and accessible people. He probably spends more time at home to keep him accountable for having some sort of excuse for a “life”. If he can’t list any real people in his life that mean something to him, and I can promise you are probably not one of them; it’s a red flag.
5. He lives his life based on the “pleasure principal”
Since sociopaths don’t value anything of meaning and significance, they live in the fast lane for things that will physically make them feel good. Risqué behavior, taking chances, and breaking rules gives them something to feel; it might just be the only real source of pleasure they ever have.
If the guy in your life hits all those points, he really could be a sociopath. He could be a master manipulator, a man raised by lying and cheating parents, or someone who lacks all the important morals normal humans have.
Stop blaming yourself. Carrying any of the blame for the sick games and lies you were subjected to will drive you insane. You are not to blame for the disgusting master manipulator he is.
Do not expect closure from him. He will never come clean because all he knows is how to defend his lies and deception. BUT, diagnosed sociopath or not, if you were able to date him, I can promise that you’re strong enough to find your own closure and happiness without him.