I have struggled.
Some days I still struggle.
Obsession: an unwanted and uninvited intruder. An obsession, it seems to start slow and then all at once, swallow you up. It uses deception to convince you that what you’re doing will benefit you, but it is not benefitting you. An obsession will make you feel more alone then you ever have, or ever will. An obsession will extinguish all hope.
I’m writing this to those who feel alone and to those who just can’t seem to find an ear that will listen; without judgement. I am here with you, not to judge you, but to stand with and for you since I’ve been where you are and I know you will be where I am one day. I know how hard it is to open up to someone, only to be shot down or misunderstood.
I know that judgement can feel even more debilitating than loneliness.
I understand how scary it is to reach out while our society doesn’t welcome our struggles with open arms that are willing to help. It’s not an easy battle and often the isolation can feel so intense that you may feel as though you are drowning. It’s easy to feel as though it’s just you and your obsession against the world and it’s even easier to feel as though it’s just you and the dark new friend you’ve made. Sometimes you find confort in just being alone with the numbness or the distractions that take you away from what you don’t want to feel. The obsession makes it easy for you to stay content where you are or to stay blinded to all that you’re doing.
You are not alone in this.
You are not alone, it’s the obsession that’s causing you to feel isolated. You are not even close to being alone, I am here with you, rooting for you. I am rooting for you, because I had people rooting for me and now I’m free.
You can do this. No really, you can and you need to say it over and over until you begin to believe it. No matter how alone you feel, don’t forget that you’re not the only one who’s battling demons. Allow yourself to talk to someone, anyone, and with time those chains you feel so bound by will begin to rupture. Slowly you will begin to gain strength and start to feel free.
So to those who are struggling, I understand you. I hear you.
I know this battle feels like it’s never ending. Although I can’t promise that these feelings will dissipate quickly because this battle may be daunting. I can promise that in the end you will be OK. Those nights you feel alone and those morning that you can’t bare to leave your bed, they will get easier. One day you will take on tasks you had only imagined you could.
I pray that one day when you smile, you mean it.
I have been there and I have come from there. I can’t promise that the pain will stop tomorrow and I can’t even tell you it will “go away” any time soon, but I can tell you that with time, It will get better.
One day, I promise, you will be okay.