You’re mature for your age. You care about a lot of things: family, friends, school, your own well-being. You’re still living it up in college, having a good time and enjoying your youth. But there’s part of you that just doesn’t understand college morality. No, you’re not a prude. You just a lot of respect for yourself, and belief in what a relationship could and should be, even in college, to adopt “hook up culture.”
1. Boys ask you for help with homework more often than they ask you on dates.
You care about school, you work hard, and you don’t have a reputation for hooking up with lots of guys. You must be a bore. Wrong! It’s completely false to assume that a fun personality doesn’t accompany intelligence and morals. That cute boy from your math class will text you about the homework, and then text another girl to hang out on the weekend. Why doesn’t he see that you could do both? Yes you’re his friend and you’ll help him out with school and lend an ear when he needs you, but just because you’re the kind of girl who has high morals shouldn’t mean you can’t be more than friends, too.
2. Saying no is hard.
This is the big one. Who put the idea in our heads that college was a time to hook up with as many random people as possible? Why do guys and girls, expect that just because you’ve been dancing with someone for a while it’s okay to take that person home with them? To ask them to participate in something meant to be special, meant to bond two people? To ask them to give away a little piece of their innocence, a piece of their self, to a random stranger? Call me old-fashioned, but I don’t think sex is supposed to be automatically included after a night out or after “talking” for a certain period of time. Nobody owes anyone anything except respect and sincerity. You know some people will walk right out of your life once they hear “no,” but you know what? Good riddance.
3. You become the permanent wingman.
You have so much fun with your friends and you love going out with them, but since it’s common knowledge you’re not looking to hook up with anyone, it’s your job to help your friend attract a guy’s attention. You probably don’t mind, you’ll have fun no matter what. But at the same time you wish you could get some attention too sometimes.
4. You get passed over in college as “wife material.”
News flash boys, you can date us now too. Since when was being smart, funny, independent, and morally upright only desirable in a spouse? Boys tell you they really respect your morals, tell you you deserve the best, and then turn around and pursue other girls. Trust me, good girls are just as fun to date in college as those without the same moral standards. We can be the life of the party, your best friend, and awesome girlfriends. I get it, it’s easier to go after the immediate results. But if you’re willing to be patient, you might just find a girl who’ll blow your mind.
5. People think you’re judging them.
It’s a personal choice, respecting ourselves, respecting others, prioritizing things in life. Not gonna lie, you should not come to me for sex advice. But I never have and never will judge anyone for their choices. I want to be there for anyone who needs me. I’m not going to spout my beliefs at you in the middle of your story. I want to listen and laugh or console or do whatever you need.
6. People think you’re naive.
So you may not be as experienced as others. That doesn’t mean you don’t know how things work. You’re not immature or naive, you just choose not to participate in some things, no big deal. You can still laugh at all the raunchy jokes college kids find so funny and listen in on all the latest gossip.
7. Sometimes you lose faith that there are boys out there who share your morals.
So college hook-ups aren’t your scene. You’re looking for something more meaningful, and sometimes it feels like you’re the only one. People around you is just looking for fun flings and casual hook-ups, and it can seem like you’re waiting for someone who’s probably not waiting for you. I don’t really have a comforting story to prove to you that it’s all worth it, but I do have hope that someday someone will appreciate all the choices you’ve made.
8. Despite everything, you don’t care what people think.
At the end of the day, it’s your life and you deserve to live it in a way that makes you happy and proud of your decisions. Obviously, that’s different for everybody. Some people may not understand your morality or your lifestyle and that’s okay, because it’s not their life, it’s yours. On the rare occasion that I’ve been asked outright about my sex life, I’m never ashamed of my answers. I don’t really care if I don’t get to be in a relationship in college because my standards or my shy personality have limited my opportunities. You have to put your own well-being first and stay true to your morals, and I promise one day it will pay off.