Make no mistake. The microphone to mind is on:
I DON’T OWE YOU MY LOVE.
Love, compassion, and my unconditional care comes to you as a gift. Some would call it a “blessing.” The same I believed you to my “one,”sent from heaven above.
Instead, you made choices. These decisions dismantled our family and there are bloody footprints covering my hardwood floors. When you walk on eggshells without protection, eventually everything cracks. Blood pours from the heart and you cannot replace what is lost.
We are now forever cracked, broken. I don’t know the exact day or time it permanently took hold, but these are the things I do know:
When you tell me I’m a “bitch” and a “cunt,”you lost shimmering shreds covered in my once built up adoration for you. Walls are erected as a protection to guard a female from certain words we’ve had to endure for most of our lives. We are women, and if we’re strong-willed, it doesn’t make us a bitch.
When you comment on how nice a woman’s ass looks as I am walking beside you, you lost my respect. Because some days, I am that woman walking in front of a stranger. I don’t want the unsolicited comments about my ass. Notice my strength, my poise, or the power in which I walk. Women are more than mere eye candy.
When you abused your authority because you hold a power position over underage females, you lost my protection. I used to be one of those girls with glossed over, naive eyes who looked up to and believed all those words said by older men. There are some messes I won’t clean up. This is one of them.
When you brought other women, knowingly, into my home with the intent to hurt me. I lost every single syllable in the word “trust.” It didn’t matter whether you slept with them, or you sent filthy texts and emails, or you begged them to meet you behind my back while I worked, you instantly became branded as untrustworthy.
When you told me how pretty your ex-girlfriends were, and how lucky you were to ever “score” such a beautiful woman, you made me question my own worth. You purposely plummeted my self esteem. You damaged a place which took me decades to build by telling me how intelligent these other women were compared to me. “So much smarter than I could ever be.” You told me how I couldn’t compete with their beauty and intellect. You intentionally pitted me against other women.
We had no reason to hate each other, but you gave each of us specific reasons to dislike and distrust each other. Each of us possess redeeming qualities. Each of us contain our own brand of unique beauty. You need to recognize these traits as individualistic, women are not your emotional pawns.
When you sabotaged my career out of jealousy, I stopped what I loved doing. I quit for you. You wanted a powerful female, but you never could accept the time it took me to create one. The time I had invited into hustling, into trying to make my own way. You hated me for what I become. You reminded me daily that you should be more important than my work. You put me in the middle of a game, one I could never win. You let me fall into the pit, never offering me hand to climb out. You sat and watched and laughed at me. Saying, “I told you so.”
When you forgot to order my birthday cake, because you were too self-involved with your world, you lost my heart. I knew then I didn’t matter. I wasn’t worth a phone call or a few minutes out of your day to ensure there would be cake for my birthday. It’s okay, I’m self-sufficent. I ordered my own cake, and paid for it too. Forgotten buttercream dreams is where I finally lost everything I once believed about you.
When you were handed every chance to succeed, and you chose to fail, you lost me. I can’t come back from the corner you placed me in. Instead, I have to look beyond you. I have to see a future without you. I have to say every word I never wanted to say.
I had to give up on you.
Love isn’t guaranteed. It isn’t money in the bank. It’s an emotional bond. When you do enough damage, you sever the ties that bind.
You lost the love of your life.