Upon seeing Ben and Jerry’s sponsored ads about the 2016 election I made the natural comparison of who would the candidates be as B & J Scoops? Here’s your answer.
Bernie Sanders: Spectacular Speculoos
Older generations have a chip on their shoulder about European ideas they don’t recognize, millennials know Speculoos as Cookie Butter and can’t get enough of it.
Hillary Clinton: Phish Food Fro Yo
So seemingly healthy so full of promise until you realize beneath the fudge Phish it’s still yogurt trying to pass as something it’s not.
JEB Bush: Half Baked Ice Cream Bar
Can’t measure up to the popularity of Bush Sr. as Half Baked Ice Cream or even W as Half Baked Fro yo. So JEB is stuck as an Ice Cream Bar, which isn’t even close to a pint.
Donald Trump: New York Super Fudge Chunk
Because obviously, Trump is New York. But have you ever actually seen someone order this? Option B is the Vermonster- too big to finish, banned in some states because it’s a health hazard, sounds about right.
Ben Carson: Greek Yogurt Fro Yo
No one asked for this. No one likes it.
Martin O’Malley: Salted Caramel Core
Delicious, more than competent but overshadowed by the old timers and new odder varieties.
Carly Fiorina: Blondie Ambition
I know that feels a tad sexist, but I guess it fits her own views on Planned Parenthood and progressive feminism. BOOM. But also who ever orders this?