They Could Find My House But They Couldn’t Find Out I Was Gay

Before I became notorious on the internet for other articles that I wrote, I posted this status on my Facebook account in honor of National Coming Out Day:

When I tell people I’m gay they think it’s a joke. When I have been to LGBTQA etc etc. events in the past I have been ignored by my fellow sapphic sisters and ended up taking refuge with every gay guy in attendance. For a group of people so on the fringes of society it’s not right to place stereotypes on members of your own community. I get called the straight friend, my opinions are treated as irrelevant and I think that it’s hypocritical and disgusting. People who don’t fall into the traditional stereotypes of gay are treated as second-class citizens within the rainbow community. As difficult as coming out is for everyone if you aren’t butch or overtly flamboyant you are alienated by multiple groups and it’s that much harder to get support. People should be able to express themselves and their sexuality exactly as they please and should not get shit for it. Isn’t that what coming out is about? Revealing to the world who you truly are? You shouldn’t have to make a show of yourself, or cut your hair to fit into a stereotype if that is not who you are. And you should not be treated any differently than any other home depot loving, uhaul lesbian, because, behind your makeup and skirts you like girls just as much as they do. You just like clothes a lot too. So this coming out day, whether you are straight, gay, bi, or an ally, remember how hard it is to come out as anything and respect people who want to be gay on their own terms.

What I find to be quite funny is that when assorted news outlets were doing intensive searches through my Social Media Accounts they ignored this status. It should have been staring at them in the face at the very top of my Facebook page, they ignored that my Instagram profile picture is me standing with a Pride Flag. In fact, I have Pride Flags hanging in the windows of my apartment. If the camera guys had panned upwards while taking my picture for the New York Post they would have been in the shot. My Facebook account also says “interested in women”. Reporters were able to find my home on Google Earth yet they were unable to see my sexuality blatantly listed for the public to see? It doesn’t add up.

While my sexuality is irrelevant to the topic of my article, it still is part of who I am and should not be ignored. But I can understand why it would be easier to avoid the subject while ripping apart every other aspect of my lifestyle. There are so many LGBT teen suicides covered in the media that it would look bad to cyber bully someone who fits that label. So the media covers it up. In interviews I am repeatedly asked if I have a boyfriend or are dating and have said on camera “Haha, fuck no! I’m not even interested in men!” and then it never materializes in the resulting articles and video.

It would look tacky to vilify me in the press in regards to my sexuality. Non normative sexuality has to be avoided completely as a topic of discussion because of all of the tragedies that have resulted from kids being bullied for being gay. Any discussion within the liberal media outlets such as the Post has to be supportive of the LGBT community. If they were to attack me they would be alienating and offending a major segment of their readers. If they chose to share that I do identify as a lesbian, that is.

It is only because I appear so “straight” that a fact like this could be ignored. If I had short hair and wore flannel would I have been treated any differently? The sad part of that is I probably would. The comments would have been a lot more derogatory in terms of my obvious homosexuality. I would have been called things like “lezzie” “dyke” etc. and told to “go back to Home Depot” or some other ignorant comments. The difference would be that the LGBT community now has so much influence in social media that articles would have been written defending me for standing up for my views and attacking those bullying me. It would have been easier to frame me as a sympathetic person instead of attacking my appearance, my family, and other irrelevant things. It is easy to ignore the personal struggle of others when it isn’t even acknowledged that they have any problems.

Sexuality is a very complicated thing to wrestle with and coming out ends up being the bravest thing that a person can do. It isn’t always known whether or not you will be greeted with support or shunned by those who are supposed to love you and told to leave. Luckily I have had support, but there are others who aren’t as fortunate as I am and they are often ignored.

What’s funny is that most of the attention and fan tweets and inboxes are from men. They seem to have no idea even though I have tweeted things like “Giada is really hot,” and “Back on the gay club scene again.” I don’t know if they don’t want to see it, or they don’t care, and think that I’m joking. A writer from Barstool wrote an article about how he would bang me and the comments were all from guys rating me and coming on to me. I’m obviously flattered, as that’s really the only reaction I can have at this point. What else am I supposed to do about it? Complain? Claim that men are pigs? It makes no sense to throw a fit if they’re giving me press and wasting their time discussing my life.

I don’t expect to become a spokesperson for the LGBTQA community as I really don’t think I am qualified to do that. (I also don’t think I’d be the best press) But they should accept me, as that is what they are supposed to do. If I make more enemies for admitting things about myself, I don’t really care. I already get enough death threats in my comments and emails, so honestly, some people saying “die fag” or some other slur is not going to affect me. Those anonymous commenters really do underestimate my resilience. I’ve wanted to kill myself since I was 11 and am still successfully alive, so I don’t think some motherfucker I’ve never met, will influence me at all. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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