To The Best Thing I Never Had

Here’s an open letter to the person who I never thought will be ‘the best thing I never had.’

It was March of our freshman year when you told me you liked me. I didn’t like you back immediately because my friend likes you. Our friendship is more important than what I would feel about you. I also told you that you should rather court her than me because that’s what seemed right. But you didn’t, you told me that it was me who you like and aren’t half-hearted about it to just court another girl because I said so. I had no choice, so I told my friend about us, and fortunately, she’s okay with it.

We never really talked to each other at school so I never get to know how to feel when talking to you. One day, you told me that you wanted to talk to me, but it never occurred. I didn’t know why, maybe because it isn’t time for us to talk to each other personally yet. But I saw you that day, and we looked at each other. There was something in your look that tells me that you want to be with me. And I’m certain that I also had that look in my eyes. We just didn’t know how to convey it to each other.

Days after, we were already friends on Facebook and you already had my number. I don’t quite seem to remember how you got that but I liked the idea of receiving a text from you every single day. There was one time when my friend told me that you chatted with each other, and she told me that you told her how much you love me. I was somehow dubious but actually, I felt something in my heart, the feeling of being loved.

When summer came, it became more difficult to have physical contact with each other, but we managed to communicate and maintain the relationship. One night, I received a call from a number that wasn’t registered in my phone, but I answered it anyway, it was you. I felt a rush of excitement and became giddy. You were very fun to talk to and I loved the sound of your voice. That started a series of phone calls, text messages and chats.

Until one day, you told me that something happened and you will not be able to contact me thru phone. But we were still able to communicate with one another thru Facebook, then a text message came which caused a rift between us. One of your friends told me everything about you, mostly negative things. And I didn’t know why, but I believed him immediately. I let him break what we have and that was the most foolish and stupid thing I have ever done, I let go of you.

I’ve seen your posts and it wrecked me. It was all about us, about how much you love me, and about how much I’ve hurt you.

Sophomore year came and my friends told me that you transferred and you have courted someone after me. I don’t know what happened to that but it made me feel awful. You moved on so easily, and I was still stuck with the idea of ‘us.’ Until now, I still cannot get over you, I still think about you. About the things that we shared together and about how I didn’t asked for your opinion about the things that your friend has told me.

I still think about the ‘what ifs’ and ‘if onlys’. If I hadn’t believed that friend of yours, what could be us now? I know I have hurt you enough, but I hope that you have already forgiven me for I want you to know that, you are the best thing I never had. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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