When You Feel Like The Love You Had For Me Is Lost
By Priyam Gupta
It’s two o’clock.
You are staring at the wall. Sleep has been an elusive personage for the past two hours now. That is not a new thing for you, is it? However, there is a real reason behind your wakefulness tonight.
You are trying so hard to go to sleep, but you are failing miserably, because you are preoccupied.
You are breaking your head over the exact reason you are with me when you could be doing so much better, or better yet, when you could be all by yourself and not have anyone to share your life with. ‘Better’ would be the governing adjective from the day you execute the termination.
On nights such as these, I plead with you to remember that entire day we spent with one another that was so dreamlike, you openly begged me to stay with you for the night, only so we can turn the day into two days, and then perhaps eventually a lifetime.
I want you to think about the initial barrenness of your mind and the sudden explosion of colors and music and the sound of the ocean and the one song that would not stop playing in your head the first time our lips established contact, and that even though I was inwardly a nervous wreckage who had already fallen in love with a man I could never, in the bizarrest of fantasies, have assembled in his entirety, I took that leap of faith, and I closed my eyes, and my hands found your hands before my mouth found your mouth and the planets ceased to orbit around the sun and began to orbit around us instead, because in that moment, you and I were so phenomenal in our significance that everything revolved around us, and when my fingers interwove with your hair, it was the expiration of my nineteen-year-long spree of being addicted to nothing.
Since you are already feeling restless and are not capable of sleeping, I want you to devote just a little more time to this. I want your brain to feel and your heart to think of all the things you felt and thought on days such as those, and on nights such as these, I implore you to make yourself believe that you will have that again. Tomorrow, if not tonight, but you will have it.
You can have it tonight, you know.
And then I will tell you that tonight, you made me feel nineteen again.