Who Am I If I’m Not Heartbroken Over You Anymore?


I no longer think about you. Drunk. Sober. In a crowded subway. Waiting for my date.

Our song plays and I no longer cringe, instantaneously grabbing to the radio knob. I can eat at the restaurant, the one we had our first date at. I finally unpacked the dress I had on the night you finally told me you loved me. I no longer long for you.

I can’t even place the moment it truly happened. The instance when I realized you were no longer mine. You were a chapter in my past, a chapter never intended to make it to my future. I wouldn’t say it was overnight, but eventually I woke up and realized a part of me no was no longer missing.

I know I should be happy, right? I’m no longer the love sick puppy, putting her life on hold for the boy who will never love her back. I finally have my life back. I should be so unbelievably happy and yet I feel lost.

10 years. I’ve always been that girl. The girl waiting for the boy to realize what’s right in front of her eyes. I spent my life living in slow motion, allowing a piece of myself to always remain missing. I know it wasn’t right. I was so much stronger than that. But, reality is, I always let a piece of me remain missing.

I spent my whole life wanting you. Alienating others along the way.

But, I’m no longer broken. Baby, I’m whole.

…Except I don’t know how to be whole.

I don’t know how to live in a world where you’re not there. Or maybe that’s a lie. I’ve finally learned to live in a world without you. But, I don’t know how to live in a world where I’m happy. Where you no longer linger in the back of my mind during every conversation, every attempt to move on, every moment I get good news.

I’m stronger now. I’m happier now. But, if I’m not the love struck girl, then who am I? Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Full Time Techie, Part Time Blogger, Amateur Adult, circa 1992.

Keep up with Priya on Instagram and priyajain.me

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