People are constantly asking why I fall for douchebags – the guys who love the chase and the game more than they could ever love me. They always look at me with sympathy telling me I have to find a nice boy. A boy who sees the world in me. A boy who wants me for me – not just an object won after the chase. But there’s plenty they don’t realize.
For starters, it’s never black and white. The boys who play the games? They eventually fall for you and they eventually always want more. They eventually always look at you, with those same glossy eyes, as the nice boys. They eventually see the world in you.
And it makes sense why I do it. I’ve had guys walk in and out of my life.
I know that just as fast as a guy says he cares about you and wants a future, those words can be taken back. I know people can walk out of your lives just as fast as they walk into it. And once you learn that, there’s no going back. So, while everyone sees me as settling for the not so nice guy, I don’t see it that way. I waited for the guy to play the game and prove to me he liked me. I waited till I was sure. We went through the same shuffle – back and forth, back and forth. And every time I pushed him away and implied I wasn’t sure – he came back. And if he came back every time, he must have cared.
And lastly, I’ve already been through so much – I’ve been the girl who’s been yelled at in public, been yelled at in front of a guy’s friends. I’ve already dated the guy who’s inappropriately touched me in public and wouldn’t stop, even when I begged him to. I’ve had a guy call me a slut in front of his friends cause he didn’t like the clothes I was in and the fact I was going out mid fight. I’ve done all that. And survived all that. And yes it was a shitty experience. And yes, I realize it’s not supposed to be that hard. And yes, I realize I deserve more. But, I also know, I can handle it and survive it. I know that even if it almost kills me, it won’t actually kill me.
So yes, I know the good guy is out there and that I should wait. But, I also think most girls don’t realize that even if the douche guy hurts them – they can and will survive it. And I already know that. It happened. It nearly killed me. But, you see it didn’t. It never actually killed me.
So yes, I fall for the douches and the guys who love the game just as much as I do. And yes I make a guy fight for me. Because, in the end, it provides me that level of comfort of knowing that even if they’re a douche with their own problems – on some level, they must care. They were willing to play the games and the back and forth for so long – so on some level, they must care. And that’s easier living with then the nice guy who just could never commit.