I am pro-choice. And though I know, through immense accumulated experiences, that my choices aren’t always right or aren’t always bound to have a happy ending, I enjoy having that power and control over myself.
Here is where my struggle lies: I live in a Christ-centered, heavily religious culture. Though there are deviants, the easier path is always to believe in a Christ. Why? I don’t know — it just seems to be the more logical, safer, and easier path to take. I am now trying to go back to that path. And I say “go back” because I had been there before, enjoyed it, got bored, and then stumbled back to the mundane. But as always, there are “buts.”
There are advantages — and surely numerous ones too. Affiliations with “good” people is usually the selling point for me. And being in a group who has the “right judgment” over several aspects of life gives me the impression that I would be a better individual through them.
Let me give you a little background of my innermost self: I believe that there is a God. I sometimes call it the Universe. There is definitely something higher than me who has control over what’s going to happen, where I am going to end up, and with whom (this doesn’t only refer to romance). Yet I also believe that this Universe won’t be able to fulfill its works without my cooperation or willingness to submit to the will of the cosmos. So I embrace life, love it, and live it. There are times, though, when it is a lot easier to put a name to this Universe and so I go with the popular choice: God.
The problem is that, with God, I have to live a clean life. I know it is also for my own good; in the long run, what good can you really get from alcohol, cigarettes, and premarital sex? But then again, I like having those choices. If God gave us free will, then why can’t I stand before Him, with pride, holding a bottle of beer with a cigarette in one hand and a sticky porn magazine in another? Why do I have to leave my free will behind in order to follow Him? (Or perhaps I just got a really bad definition of “free will” from Wikipedia? Free will is the ability of agents to make choices unconstrained by certain factors…)
They say that the truth will set you free and that God is the truth. But then why do I feel restrained by God’s commands? Why do I feel happy, infinite, and free in the hands of these “sins?”
I don’t mean to be blasphemous or anything. I only intend to lay down the hard truth of being a “human” in a God-centered society. The struggle of knowing what is Biblically right, and what is personally fine. I am sure I am not the only one experiencing this. I don’t mean to start an argument but to instead open up a discussion. Writing this bares how muddled I truly am and how open I therefore am to any light anyone can shine on this matter.