A Letter To My Heart: I Have To Let You Go

 Noah Hinton
Noah Hinton

I have held on to you for so long now thinking that someday I will find good use for you but I’m afraid the time has come for me to let you go. I plan on selling you at a garage sale, not in the way of giving you to a man with the largest pocket but rather to a woman who needs you more than me, who might make better use of you.

I have known so many women who are loved so deeply and love in return but just not enough. And I have put myself in their shoes thinking how I would welcome such love with open arms and give it back just as much if not twice as much.

It’s not because I find you of no use to me, it’s just that you are way bigger than I need space for, so maybe I’ll trade you in for a smaller one. I have kept you for years thinking one day soon I will find good use for you but instead you are just sitting there collecting dust and I knew at some point I would have to let you go.

I have guarded you like a rich man’s treasure, always making sure that I keep you protected but somehow I have let you down many times by exposing you to cannibals disguised as knight in shining armor. You have shown me loyalty by repairing yourself and putting yourself back together piece by piece after each brutal attack but I’m afraid you’re still not as fine as you were when I first got you and for that I apologize.

You have kept me awake on many nights beating relentlessly asking for my attention, asking to be given a task and to be nurtured but all I have had to offer is a prayer and hope for a better tomorrow.

I’m not giving you up because you are not wanted, I just think someone else might make better use of you and for that you will thank me one day when you stop by to visit me and find me sitting alone on a porch looking frail and grey from a life without you. I’m afraid if I keep you around I might expose you to even more danger and I don’t think you would survive another attack.

I have offered you as a sacrifice for my happiness so many times so if someone does finally come along, I will wait for them to offer their heart to me because I will not have you, and we will share the heart because it is said when people truly love each other they become one.

I really wish I could keep you for a little while longer but I just don’t have space anymore, you’re way too big for me and it feels wrong to keep you in such a tiny cage for any longer so I am finally going to let you go.

I beg that you do not come back to haunt me in my dreams by showing me your potential because I have had daydreams of you loving as deeply as I know you’re capable of, but that’s all it’s ever been, just daydreams.

I hope that with your new owner you’re not as trusting as you were with me, life with me should have taught you that a stove burns and knife cuts so I hope you’ll be more careful this time around and take better care of yourself. I wish you wouldn’t look back and worry about me and how I am because without you I will be a soldier and a warrior with no fear or weakness. I want to say I love you but I know I’m not capable of that without you so….GOODBYE.  Thought Catalog Logo Mark

More From Thought Catalog