The Online Connection

Ever since we discovered the Internet our lives have changed. For better or worse that is an individual opinion. The Internet has clearly made the world a smaller place. We are able to connect with people who live miles away in a matter or seconds, we can keep in touch with family and friends who are far and share important news and events with ease and convenience.

But I want to talk about Internet relationships of the romantic styles. We used to have things like ICQ, MSG Messenger, Yahoo messenger etc. but ever since things like Facebook came around I feel we have moved to a whole new level of un-real relationships. We have started to live in such a controlled world (or shall I say the perception of being in control), where we can post what we want, show people our best photos and nothing from our high school days when we all looked super cool (daggy) because what will our so called friends think of us then?

Coming back to online relationships, I don’t think people of this generation will ever know or understand the nervousness attached to liking someone, asking them out or getting a phone number and most importantly gaining the confidence of actually walking up to someone, being that vulnerable and being brave to possibly face rejection.

As we all know there is no shortage of online apps that are not dating apps. Things like Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat. Applications where you don’t have to provide any real personal information, where you can hide behind a persona, where you can show the world exactly what you want the world to see. Don’t get me wrong; I don’t think there is anything wrong with connecting online. But I think that if you do find someone online, it’s best to meet them in person as quickly as possible, i.e. 2-4 weeks after initial online contact. I say this because if you don’t, you’ll notice that months have passed (you haven’t noticed because everything feels amazing when you’re in love and someone is giving you all their attention) since you’ve been talking to each other all day/everyday (from talking I mean texting, snapchatting, tagging each other in FB posts, statuses etc.). You’ve expressed your “I love you” to each other and promises of spending forever in each other arms. But, the truth is that you don’t know the first thing about each other.

Talking to someone online is SO much different than talking to someone in real life. There could be habits that this person has, that irritate the crap out of you. What if this person has really bad hygiene? What if they chew too loud when they eat? What if they slurp their coffee really loud first thing in the morning? You get where I’m going with this!!!

I’m all about finding love, whether it’s for two weeks or six months or ten years. I also understand that letting someone in takes time and most of all takes guts. You have to be brave to let someone in, it’s a very vulnerable state of being. Hiding behind your computer or phone screen isn’t going to work. Showing someone photos where you look like a victoria’s secret supermodel isn’t going to work. Talking to someone on the phone where someone can’t see your expressions is not going to work. Chatting to someone online where words can be misinterpreted is not going to work. This is not how you’re going to find a lasting relationship, you have to show people the real you, if they like it great, if they don’t, their bad luck they are the ones missing out.

Don’t get yourself into a situation where it’s been a year you’ve finally decided to meet and you’re finally decided to meet and you’re that committed to the relationship that you’ll out up with anything. I mean ANYTHING, the constant shaking of the leg when you’re out for a meal, that spitting on the sidewalk or that yelling at the waiter, because you feel that you can’t back out.

It’s ok to say to no someone you can’t see yourself with, this does not make you a bad person. Just because you said you’d always be together doesn’t mean you have to. Things are different in reality that in the virtual world. You can show anyone anything you want, you are in full control. But amazing things only happen when you let go…let go of the past, let go of your perceptions of the future, let go of what you’re future partner is supposed to look like or how you were going to meet.

If someone had like that photo of you on Facebook or double tapped a whole bunch of your photos on Instagram and wants to get to know you, then that’s great. But after a few weeks make plans for catching up in real life so you know how it feels to be around this person, what their energy feels like. So you can feel your hands touching. So you can hear the thunder in their laughter and see the sparkle in their eyes.