Confession: I Love Dating Older Men

The Oranges
The Oranges

Is it just me and my daddy issues, or is there something wildly attractive about an older man? Show me a man with some salt in his hair and I’ll think he’s more attractive than his non-gray friend by default. Color me interested.

Before you start hiding your fathers and imagining me trolling the retirement homes, I’ll tell you, I’m not a gold digger. I’m not looking for a benefactor. Older men aren’t necessarily ALWAYS my type. I’ve had relationships with men younger than me as well; I’m an equal opportunity dater. I’ve just had sparks with men my senior. I enjoy spending time with them.

I’ve dated two men 15 years older. One I dated for most of my twenties, he cheated on me with a stripper. The other one I was terrified of dating for two years because of my relationship with the first one. I kept him at arm’s length the whole time. Once I gave him a shot, we had an amazing relationship; he told me he wanted to have a baby with me. Then he dumped me a week later.

Of all the men who have “Peter Pan Syndrome”, (Google it, it’s a real thing), the men who are over 40 and have never been married or had children are the most dangerous. They’re seductive, with their charm and intoxicating stories of their travels and their careers. They lure you in with their high-end bachelor pads and $14 cocktails. Too much of these men and their cocktails and you’re lying on the bathroom floor, sick and crying. They don’t want to hold your hand, or watch horrible reality TV shows with you. They don’t want to meet your mother, or wash your car for you. They want to drunkenly kiss you and bed you, and maybe buy your breakfast in the morning. They’ll do this for a week, or a month, or even several months. It won’t take long however, and they’ll be off to the next beautiful girl.

I think I am drawn to these men and they’re drawn to me because I’m independent and content with my life. My biological clock is on pause it would seem, and I’ve never been one to dream about a trip down the aisle. It’s not a motivator to me. Maybe there is a little Peter in me as well, (no pun intended). That doesn’t mean I don’t respect my partners and don’t deserve or expect the same respect back. It doesn’t mean I didn’t love them fiercely and wasn’t fully committed to them, I was.

I don’t place the full blame on them. Of course I willing put myself in these relationships, fully aware past behavior is the best indicator of future behavior. I thought I was special, I thought I was different. I thought with enough fairy dust, I could change them, but I couldn’t. I had to realize they are stuck in Never, Never Land. They are more than Lost Boys, they’re a lost cause and I could continue to sacrifice my youth to try and make someone love me or I could love myself. I realized it was never about me, it had nothing to do me and everything to do with them.

In some ways, I’m thankful to them. I had some experiences I wouldn’t have had if I had always dated someone more age appropriate. I see things from a different perspective than I would have. I’m a little wiser because of them.

Am I cured from my affinity for men over a decade my senior? Perhaps. Perhaps not. Ironically, only time will tell.Thought Catalog Logo Mark

A girl in her early 30’s navigating dating, career, and friends.

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