When You Don’t Think The Healing Will Fade, Read This

Healing
Zach Staines

To those who are healing,

I know it is exhausting to heal. To recover from such heavy things as loss, as fear, as trauma, as mental and psychological pain.

I know you are replaying mistakes and missteps, lost experiences and past situations, wondering if needing to heal would even be necessary had one thing been changed or reversed.

I know you are regretting, and stressing, despite all efforts to grow and move forward. Healers, this is for you.

You do not have to play superhero every hour of the day. You do not have to fill the role of the unwaveringly strong individual. You are brave for getting up in the morning. You have courage for continuing.

You do not always have to push yourself to be better, to feel better, to think better. You do not have to reprimand yourself for the days when your emotions dominate your life. You are still allowed to feel. You are still allowed to emote.

Just because you are healing, doesn’t mean you cannot still be hurt. Validation is a part of the process.

Healers, rock bottom isn’t your home, but you don’t have to rebuild your life in one day. Take a minute to stop, and breathe. Watch a movie. Take the day off work. Go for a walk. Get some lunch that you’re actually craving.

Reward yourself with rest; you have fought, and you have struggled, and as you build upwards, you are allowed to slow down. Healing is not your burden; healing is your gift. But, it’s okay to be tired of it, and put it back in the box for a moment.

It’s okay to take a moment to live between the lines of recovery. It’s okay to be exhausted from all of the work you’ve put into finding that light at the end of the tunnel. It’s okay to stop in the darkness, and take a breath.

But, do not live there. Do not build your home in the grief and sorrow. You do not belong there, because there is something that will exhaust you more than healing ever will: a life spent without pursuing hope. You may be frustrated, and tired, but you will find purpose through the struggle; you will gain, and grow, and find energy in every step forward, even when all you want to do is give up. Please, no matter how tired you become, do not give up.

Rest. Relax. Breathe.

But, continue. Resist. Move forward. You must. You must survive. Even if survival begins in a place of exhaustion, finding life again will lead you towards more empowerment than you have ever known; anticipate it, move towards it, fight for it. You are allowed to be tired. But, you cannot allow yourself to surrender.

And still, you CAN allow yourself to acknowledge your emotions. You can rest. You can give yourself a break. Survival is hard. Be proud of the fact that you’ve maintained it. Getting better is difficult. Celebrate the truth of your progress. Healing is tiring. Let yourself be human throughout it. Give yourself the time and rest you need to keep moving, and then, my dear ones, keep moving. I cannot promise immediate ease or relief, but I can promise that resisting the pull of the darkness, as tiring as it is, will restore your life, second by second, in the smallest of gestures, the tiniest of words, the most minuscule of movements forward.

To my fellow healers,

Your life will not always be a construct of recovery; your life, one day, will be a compilation of things beyond what is necessary to focus care and thought towards in the present. Your past will not always be your keepsake; your struggle will not determine your future.

And, for now, don’t be ashamed to be tired. Don’t hesitate to drop your superhuman fortitude. Don’t try to accomplish the impossible task of constantly having it all together.

Take the day off. Remove your worries, your regret, your weapons of wearing the past away. Set down your strength, shed your camouflage of courage. Acknowledge the pain; accept the light. Rest. And whenever you’re ready, through the exhaustion, fight on. With resilience, heal. TC mark

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