She lays in her bed, half naked with a lit cigarette in her hand. She can’t decide if she wants to take another one or not. Too many flashes run in her mind. She takes one anyway. This is her third in an hour. She didn’t even bother to open the window; her room is drenched in smoke. It’s hard to tell that she once hated this smoke and loathed smokers. It was only almost a week ago that she found a friend, a best friend in Marlboro.
Now, you have a million reasons to judge her. Slut. Spoilt. Rude. Careless. Bitch. Judgemental. Spendthrift. Irresponsible and whatnot. And if you deny that you are judging her, then sir, you’re undoubtedly lying.
And you judge her because you don’t know her.
A 20-year- old, beautiful looking, well brought up princess. What problems could she be possibly facing? Everything she says is just another excuse. Excuse.
Do you have any idea how much she hates this word? Do you know how many times have people accused her of making excuses? Which law in the Vedas states that she is exclusive to any feelings? You don’t know the BTS; you don’t know what goes on after the curtain falls, when she takes off her fake smile.
So go on, judge her when she smokes or holds a glass of whiskey in one hand and stares into nothingness. Judge her while she wakes up in beds of random guys from the bar; judge her when she’s high as a bird, living the time of her life and cries for no reason.
She wouldn’t care. Because she’s been through a lot and has bore the pain of countless days and nights on her shoulders. You looking her in the eye and into that fake soul of hers that you’ve created hardly bothers her. She’s a brave girl now; she knows she has to stand alone.
She keeps every secret hidden inside of her because she knows she has to go through it all alone. People might come and go, but they’re never going to stay.
Her solitary nights, locked in that room are her only way to escape reality. Her smoke is her only friend that keeps her from doing things that she’d never planned on doing – it keeps her sane; and alive. It keeps her going. It will kill her, she knows that too.
But others don’t realize is that it’s giving her just a little more time to live and to forget. She is the girl who is scared to take the first step forward; she will get attached to you until it hurts and then suddenly stop. She will wish the world for regardless of the fact that you have absolutely nothing to offer her.
You think she’s too much to handle because she’s fighting tornadoes within herself. She’s struggling everyday to make it through the night. She doesn’t care because she has cared more than she should ever have. She just keeps getting hollower and hollower with each passing moment and that smoke that she takes in, fills her voids; helps her breathe without suffocating her. She might die in a 20 or 30 years, but at least she’s not doing it now.
Let her fix her life back, because she will even if you don’t. She doesn’t care about people anymore. You know why? Because you made her numb.