For A Second, I Thought I Knew You

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You were the most wonderful person out of everyone that I met in my new life, or so I thought. You have this vibe in you which attracts everyone to you and you know it too. You’ve been everybody’s favorite ever since. I was glad I met you, had you hold a place in my heart. The best part was, you felt the same way. But you know how they say, things change, people change. At first I thought that is what was happening. I was wrong. You were the same all along and I couldn’t see it. I just couldn’t see it. Maybe that is what they call falling blindly in love.

I am not someone who judges people, I can mistake their actions or words in a negative tone, but I don’t judge them. Honestly, I have no clue about it, I don’t know how to judge people. So, I just listen to the worldly stories and period. Nothing after that. I’m not judging you either. I only want to put down my observations as words.

How did I not see it? How did I not realize that we did not share our worlds? I was just trapped inside yours. Wasn’t it obvious right from the beginning when you agreed to everything I said? Was it too hard to think that one day you’d agree on everything with someone else? Why did I not feel it coming when you left her for me? Why did I not think you might one day do the same to me? You put me first, before a lot of people who loved you all their lives. Why did I not see that same might happen to me someday? What exception am I? I am the same human being with a heart, a mind and red blood in my veins.

It hit me when I had finally had enough and got up to leave. What I took for a strong personality and bold voice, was nothing but jumbled words and loud noise. You were not the rock that stood tall against all the winds that passed by and the rains that tried to cut you through. You are as delicate as dandelions. You flow with the wind, not caring where you might end up. You drown with the rain, thinking that something good will grow out of it. But it won’t. You leave no room for betterment within yourself because, you say, you’re already perfect. The irony is, your perfection blends and moulds itself. After everything we’ve been through, the saddest part is, you don’t care. You don’t care about me acting weird around you. You don’t care about the bond that is now broken. Maybe because you hardly take any time casting the same spell over other people around you. When one leaves, you have a thousand to receive. Why would you care anyway?

It started off as an argument about how easily you broke a commitment to yourself just because the winds were too strong. If that wasn’t enough, you also felt the need to justify yourself with stupid and lame excuses. It was way too much for me then. I realized, I looked at you in the wrong shades of colors. You were not as bright as you seemed to me. It is more than not paying heed to me, more than rethinking your actions. It is about who I thought you were, who you really are and what you’ve become. I don’t know much about you, nothing at all to be honest, but I am not very comfortable taming elephants in my room. I, compulsorily, need to share the strangeness of any situation.

If I still didn’t make it clear, you were and still are important to me. Important doesn’t even cover. You hold a part of me. We were supposed to be soulmates, remember? I’m assuming that does not mean much to you now. If I’m writing about you, then get it straight in your head that what I had with you was something that I usually don’t share. It was more than just special. It was the reason that the sky is blue. I’m not sure anymore, whatever I wrote was a confession or a confrontation. I hope you read this, I hope these words make you feel everything that I couldn’t and I hope this haunts you like it haunts me. TC mark

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