Life is different without you. Things are good, but they’re different. Not having you around was never something I wanted to get used to.
Letting you go was removing every color from the filter I had put on my life the moment you and I became us.
Yes, life goes on. I wasn’t sure it would, even though you promised. You said I would be okay, and you were right. Life does go on, and I am okay.
If it wasn’t for those moments in between.
I wonder if you have them too, those fractions in time when no one is watching and you feel it all. When everything comes back, and you drown in it.
Those breathless moments when life doesn’t go on, when it runs backward instead. The moments when I can’t shield my mind and guard my heart and I think of you.
I know they will keep coming less, and less, and less. I know the memories will fade into the currents of time, but they won’t disappear. I don’t want them to. I know I’ll move on, I know I’ll stop craving you, and eventually, I will stop asking for more.
I also know I will carry pieces of us for a lifetime. I hope one day they no longer weigh me down.
There is a nameless pain in knowing that years from now there will be days when I remember it all in knowing it was everything we would ever get to have.
Sometimes I wish I could go back to the night we met and tell you how the story ends.
I wonder if we would have done things differently. I wonder if you would have kissed me sooner or held me longer.
I wonder if you would have changed your mind.
I wonder if you would have stayed if I had asked you to.
Maybe this was exactly what we needed. We didn’t make it, but maybe we didn’t have to, because even if we weren’t meant to be, we still collided in a world of billions. What were the odds?
Despite everything, we chose each other, even if just for a moment in time.
So I let you go, knowing that love will find its way back to me and to you.
There is beauty in finding that my primary colors remain.
I am still me.