1. You buy anything of any nutritional value, because it’s Trader Joes and all healthy and organic and good for you right?
2. Free samples! The employees are so nice that you’re too embarrassed to take more than one, so you end up buying the Thai stir-fry and Pear-Mango juice concentrate that never taste quite the same at home.
3. Chocolate-covered everything – sunflower seeds, blueberries, espresso beans, potato chips – even edamame!
4. If you have not tried their Cookie Butter, you have not lived. Therefore, if you have tried their Cookie Butter, you have now basked in the glory of life itself and are free to die happily.
5. There’s a limit of 2 Cookie Butters per customer. So you’ll get fat, but not that fat.
6. The nice cashiers guilt you into buying their reusable shopping bag, which you always forget to bring. But hey, it saved you from wasting their paper bags that one time. And they’re (kind of) cute…
7. You have now become a more insightful person through your avid travels around the world, tasting only top-notch cuisine from the culinary gods. You have brought back Trader Ming’s Kung Pao Noodles, Trader Giotto’s Pesto Alla Genovese, and Trader Jacque’s celebrated pumpkin macarons.