There are days that I feel so tired, I just want to scream at the top of my lungs and let just the heavens determine my destiny. I can’t help but feel hopeless for always working things out yet never really getting what I deserve, for always doing the best for others when in reality they don’t even deserve it and for always choosing to love but ending up being taken for granted.
I feel like cursing every name that had my heart torn into pieces because I know that I have always loved enough. I have always given myself wholly. I was never selfish. I am faithful. I am patient. I am kind. I am forgiving. And I still wish nothing but the best for the ones that did me wrong. However, I know I do not deserve to be left unfixed. I do not deserve to keep waiting for someone’s text message when he has already fallen asleep. I do not deserve an “I love you” just when the tequila starts to kick in. I do not deserve to be kissed in the midnight and be ditched the morning after. I do not deserve an “I’m sorry” not because he really is but because he just wants to be the “good guy”. I do not deserve someone who only realizes my worth whenever I am about to give up. I do not deserve someone who will promise me to come back.
I need someone who will never leave.
I deserve someone who would make time for me not because he just feels obliged but because at the end of the day, he just wants to see me. I deserve someone who couldn’t afford to sleep knowing that I am not okay. I deserve someone who would give me warm cuddles and breakfast in bed. I deserve someone who would know my worth. I deserve someone who would understand my responsibilities and respect my priorities. I deserve someone who would love me unconditionally because that is exactly what I’m capable of.
I’ve been through a lot of heartaches. I’ve lost too many battles.
Now, I finally know what I need.
I finally realize what type of person I should fight for. Nobody else can dictate me what I deserve, only I.