when you first fell in love with (insert dog name here) you two were inseparable. you’d go on long walks, play frisbee, watch tv, and even finish each other’s sentences. everything was going perfectly. but recently you’ve been noticing how different (insert dog name here) has been acting. when you go on walks (insert dog name here) isn’t as verbose as they used to be. when you play frisbee (insert dog name here) catches the frisbee without as much enthusiasm. when you watch broad city (insert dog name here) doesn’t laugh at lincoln’s jokes like they did in the beginning of your relationship. when you’re done finishing each other’s sentences and making out like you’re accustomed to doing (insert dog name here) runs away from you and whimpers in disgust. your dog used to love you and now they hate you. your dog used to jump on you even before you got all the way through the door when you came home from work. your dog used to stare lovingly into your eyes and it would bring you to tears. (insert dog name here) would make out with you in the dog park like nobody was watching. well guess what bro or brodette? those days are kaput. your dog fucking hates you and now you’re going to either die alone or find another (insert dog name here) to fill your dogless void.
image – Eric Sonstroem