is your significant other a vampire?

does your significant other only leave the house at night?

is your significant other’s skin extremely pale?

does your significant other have fangs?

are you afraid of your significant other but want to fuck them anyway?

does your significant other make up excuses when it’s time to leave the house during the day? i.e. ‘i can’t go outside because i’m allergic to the sun’ or ‘not all humans need sunlight’ or ‘babe, i’ll burn to death if i go outside’

and if you finally convince your significant other to go outside, does their skin start burning up and/or do they begin spontaneously combusting?

does your significant other try to suck your blood during sex?

do you get aroused when your significant other sucks your blood during sex even though you should be seeking medical attention?

when you introduced your significant other to your parents did they immediately try to suck the blood of your parents even though you warned your significant other that only you find blood sucking arousing?

does your significant other say they’re 27, but when you found their birth certificate while doing their laundry it explicitly said that they were born in 1473?

have you witnessed your significant other floating, speaking an archaic language, or watching true blood past season 3?

do your significant other’s tears look red when they cry?

is your significant other rooting for iggy azalea at the grammys?

if you’ve answered yes to the majority of these questions then congrats, you’re significant other is either a vampire or a crazy person