How To Be An 80-Something Who Acts Like A 20-Something

Relieve your terminal illness by smoking weed or doing some other drug the kids are doing
Live in a nursing home, but still dress like you’re 60 years younger
Work through your osteoporosis by getting blackout drunk at least 5 days out of the week
Troll internet comments sections while taking your blood pressure meds
Have unprotected sex (old people don’t get STDs)
Eat your feelings but don’t go overboard because you have high cholesterol
Post pictures of your nursing home food on Instagram
Fuck your geriatrician and regret none of it
Hate everyone
Escape from your nursing home for a weekend and attend the Pitchfork Music Festival
Submit a piece to Thought Catalog titled ‘Lena Dunham Is Not A Feminist’
Feel like you’re not living your 80s to their fullest potential