How To Be An 80-Something Who Acts Like A 20-Something

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  • Relieve your terminal illness by smoking weed or doing some other drug the kids are doing
  • Live in a nursing home, but still dress like you’re 60 years younger
  • Work through your osteoporosis by getting blackout drunk at least 5 days out of the week
  • Troll internet comments sections while taking your blood pressure meds
  • Have unprotected sex (old people don’t get STDs)
  • Eat your feelings but don’t go overboard because you have high cholesterol
  • Post pictures of your nursing home food on Instagram
  • Fuck your geriatrician and regret none of it
  • Hate everyone
  • Escape from your nursing home for a weekend and attend the Pitchfork Music Festival
  • Submit a piece to Thought Catalog titled ‘Lena Dunham Is Not A Feminist’
  • Feel like you’re not living your 80s to their fullest potential TC mark

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