For years and years, I only wrote to release a feeling. I’d tell myself, “Put pen to paper, let it go, and never look back.” But I eventually realized that, more often than not, my writing froze the gloom of a bad feeling or sad thought and immortalized people who were simply passing through my life.
So, I’m wiping the slate clean and starting a new chapter, because that isn’t the way I wanna remember you. That isn’t the story I want to write. I want to write about the overwhelming thoughts of, “Are you real? If you are then where did you come from?” And, most importantly, “Where have you been?” I want to write about how excited and giddy and anxious I’ve been to see how all of this will unfold. I want to write about how “happily ever after” started, even though I know I’m hopelessly uncertain of how it will ever be happy after all that I’ve been through.
I’m not naive in writing this and expecting that as our outcome. But if “happily ever after: is written in our stars, then I want us to have this to look back on for how we happily began.
I mean, there’s always a chance that things won’t work out; I have hundreds of posts worth of examples. But, this post is for the “what if’s” — what if they do work out? What if you are the one? What if you entered my world to turn it right side up?
Because I’m going to recklessly sit here and proclaim that, in a matter of weeks, you’ve managed to open my eyes to a world I thought only existed in movies I cried at or novels I laughed at. You’ve managed to complete things I didn’t even know I was missing. You’ve managed to grow with me, and not just as a person, but as a Christian.
I always prayed for someone like you, but I never thought you actually existed. Knowing that you are real and that you are pointing me to Him instead of pulling me away is the biggest thing I want to highlight here. Because I’ve never had that before. I always thought my relationship with God was a journey I’d walk through alone — until you.
So, I’m excited to see what God has in store for us. I’m excited to understand what this has the potential to become. I’m excited to keep writing about this feeling.