It’s easy for me to write about heartbreak. I’ve known it my whole life. I never really understood why I was so fixated on it, but it all makes sense now. It’s too hard for me to deal with the real heartbreak in my life.
I keep revisiting the topic in hopes that one day I’ll be compelled to move on. I even tried to revisit it again today. I travelled back into my memories and I tapped into the pain, but all I could do was cry.
I’m crying as I write this, but it’s time for me to let it out: I’ve felt lonely my whole life.
I never really realized how much I needed God until recently. I felt like His love healed me, but as much as I wanted it to be, sometimes it just wasn’t enough.
God, I know You’re listening. I know You’ve been listening. I want You to be enough. I want You to take away the brokenness. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I have these massive scars on my heart and I don’t know how else to heal them. I need You. People failed me, Lord. I need YOU.
I wish I was as strong as I pretend to be. I wish I didn’t stay up and cry on nights like this one. I wish I didn’t have to say this prayer. But I do, because if I have learned anything from my journey with You it’s this: You are the ultimate healer.
So Lord, help me reject the idea that people will fix my brokenness. I want to find a way to heal on my own. I want to find a way to heal with You.
Lord, I need You. I need Your strength and wisdom and love. I need You to mend me, hold me and free me. I need You to be enough.
I understand that You are, but I need You to help me believe it.