Maybe Right Now Just Isn’t The Right Time For Us

I don’t know how I feel. I don’t know if I made the right call. I don’t know if I should’ve apologized more sincerely. I don’t know if I ever believed that we were meant to be. I don’t know if we were ever meant to be. All I know is — what’s meant to be will be.

Maybe right now just isn’t the right time for us. Maybe we won’t ever have a right time. Maybe you’re my forever. Maybe you’re not. Maybe this and maybe that.

My mind won’t quiet down. My heart is heavy. I’m overcome with sadness. I don’t know what to do or think or feel. I’m just trying not to let the pain swallow me whole. I’m trying not to let it drown me.

I’m sorry for everything. Believe me when I tell you that I really do self-sabotage when I get scared. I’m just sorry that sabotaging my happiness ruined yours too. That was incredibly selfish and really unfair of me. But, you know what? You’re the reason I was scared.

You suffocated me by putting me in this box that I couldn’t get out of. I dropped a bomb to free myself. I know the aftermath of this bomb was ultimate destruction, but maybe it’s what we needed to let each other go.

It hurts like hell right now but it needed to happen. I speak for myself when I say that I have a lot of growing up to do. Maybe you were right all along and I wasn’t ready for a relationship.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that if we’re meant to be, it’ll be during a different point of our lives. I will be ready to settle down and you will be ready to set yourself free. I will let go of my fears and you will stop giving me reasons not to.

If we’re not, like you said: we’ll find other people to love and who will love us back. They won’t hurt us in the ways that we’ve been hurting each other. They won’t want us to change who we are. We won’t have to create spots for them. They’ll fit right into our lives.