Every time I face difficulty or go through trying times, I find myself clinging tightly to God. I seek His comfort, ask for His guidance, and pray for His mercy. And, every time, He delivers. I feel His presence illuminate my darkness and His strength support my human-like weakness.
I don’t say any of that lightly, because my life hasn’t been easy. On the outside, it may appear perfect and beautiful, but I have been tried and tested in many ways. Most of the time, my prayers consist of a well of tears and a mountain of doubt, but then—almost instantly—He sends me a supportive message in the form of a phone call from a friend, kindness from a stranger, or a tightly shut door that swings right open. But, most times, it’s in this feeling of warmth that overcomes me when I pray.
So, from that, I have learned this: God may allow us to experience pain, but it is because He is trying to show us that He is the ultimate healer. His healing might not always be instant. His healing might not even be obvious. His healing sometimes doesn’t even mean eliminating the cause of pain but accepting it and thriving in spite of it.
I have fallen victim to this illusion that when all of the pieces in my life fit together and everything finally falls into place, I’ll finally experience happiness. But time and time again, God reminds me that happiness comes from experiencing His love. And that is why I smile through the pain. Not because I’m faking it, but because His love overwhelms me when I struggle.
He sees my brokenness and still chooses me. He sees my imperfections and still chooses me. He sees my doubts and still chooses me. And I choose Him back—as my Fixer, my Perfection, my Certainty.